-noch einer- host family letter

hey hier ist mein brief.
wie findet ihr ihn und sind da noch viele feler drin???

Dear family,

First of all I would like to thank you for welcoming me in your family for almost half a year. My greatest wish is to spend a nice year in another country. I’m looking forward to try new things and make experiences. To get to know me a little bit better I will now tell you some things about me, my hobbies, my family and my daily life.

My name is Carina P.; I’m 15 years old. I’ve got blue eyes and blond hair. I live in Barmstedt, a small town in the north of Germany. Since my first year I live in Barmstedt with my parents Frauke, 44 years old, and Stephan, 46 years old, my brother Felix 13 years old, and my dog Flocke. My relation to my family is very good. We help each other, watch sometimes films and play sports like tennis. We are very affectionate. I really like to spend time with my family. My father works in Hamburg, the next biggest city, as an engineer and my mother works as a teacher. We live in a nice house with a garden. Barmstedt is a very beautiful green town with 10.000 inhabitants.

I think I’m very open-minded, outgoing, gentle and curious. I’m somebody, people can rely on and who is humorous.
My friends and my family would describe me as a friendly, polite, responsible, truthful and honest young person.

Since August 2007 I’m in the 10th grade of the Carl-Friedrich von Weizäcker Gymnasium (high school) in Barmstedt. A normal school day starts at 7.25 and ends at 12.45. From Monday until Wednesday I’ve got school until 13.30. But last year I’ve got school until 15.30. One hour takes 45 minutes. My favorite subjects are Sport and French. I really like to do sports and I’m open-minded about some new sports. To speak French and Spanish I like really much. I also really like music because we sing very often and play instruments. After school I drive home by bicycle, it only takes something about 10 minutes. At home I have lunch together with my mother and my brother. My dad works until 7 o’clock in the evening so we only can have dinner together. On Thursdays and Fridays it’s my turn to go with the dog. Sometimes my best friend Franzi and I are going together with our dogs and we have a lot of fun.
In my leisure I play tennis once a week, since I’m six, take part in dancing classes and go together with my mum to gym classes. But I also enjoy reading, cooking and playing piano. Sometimes I play football with my friends and one time a year we have tournament. I really like to do activities with my friends or my family. In the winter vacations we go for skiing in Austria. Maybe I can do this also in Canada.
I spend most of my free time with friends: we chat, watch movies, undertake trips and do things teenagers do. It would make me happy to play tennis or go skiing during my year abroad, but I’m also interested in doing unknown activities.

I really like to travel; I’ve seen lots of interesting places in the world like Bali, Singapore, Malaysia, Miami and cities in Europe. Most of the journeys I did with my family but I also spend two weeks in Denmark with a juvenile camp. In March I’m going to spend one month in Mexico with class mates. I’m really looking forward to it. I think it will prepare me for my time in Canada.

I think that my high school year abroad will be a big chance to get to know other people, another country and about me. Also, what is important to me is to improve my English and French. It’s great to have the possibility to spend half a year abroad. And I’m really looking forward to get to know you, your life, your family and living with you. But it is important to me that you handle me not like a guest, but also like a real family member. I will do my best and I think that we can learn many things of each other.

Now I want say many thanks to you that I can be a part of your family for half a year. I hope that my stay will be an interesting experience for me and for you.

Sincerely yours,

Carina P.

sind wichtig. ich habe mich gerade als au-pair beworben und war auch sehr unsicher, ob mein brief den anforderungen genügten würde.

hatte heute mein interview mit einer frau von AIFS, und sie war beeindruckt von meinem brief :wink: fragte mich sogar, ob ich nicht lieber als educare weg will (sprich: studieren an uni während die kinder in der schule sind) aber das entspricht nicht meinen tatsächlichen fähigkeiten. schreiben ist immer noch etwas anderes als sprechen!

eigentlich wollte ich den brief vorher auch noch von tausend leuten durchsehen lassen, aber nachdem mir eine freundin davon abgeraten hat, habe ich es gelassen.

sie war selbst ein halbes jahr abroad und arbeitet jetzt für die organisation als interviewerin, und sie meint, das fehler nur natürlich wirken. natürlich sollte der text vor fehlern nicht entstellt sein, aber beim durchlesen ergibt sich für mich bei deinem brief ein recht guter lesefluss.

vielleicht ist das nicht die antwort, die du dir erhoft hattest; ich würde mir aber auch nicht anmaßen wollen, den jetzt zu korrigieren - wie gesagt, ich habe mein jahr in america noch vor mir :slight_smile:

liebe grüße und viel erfolg noch bei deiner weiteren bewerbung!

falls du doch noch verbesserungsvorschläge willst :wink:

vielleicht könntest du n bisschen was wie "furthermore/ additionally/ in spite of/ therefore/thus mit einbringen… einfach n paar bindewörter dir raussuchen, damit nicht fast jeder deiner sätze mit I anfängt… (tun sie glaub ich auch nicht, aber solche wörter kommen immer gut :wink: