Mal wieder ein Host-family letter ;) Verbesserungen?

Austauschschüler Forum Vor dem Auslandsjahr
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Dear Host family,
First of all I want thank you for reading my letter and giving me the possibility to live a half year in the USA.
How are you? I am very glad to write this letter.
My name is Kea Milena **** and I am 14 years old.
I live in *, which is a little village with 3000 inhabitants. Our house is next to a big forest. I have an own room, where I sleep and do my homework. ´ is in Nord-Rhein–Westfalen, in the west of Germany and circa 75 miles from Cologne.
Here I live together with my parents, my younger brother and my grandma. My father Ralf works as a security engeneer and my mother Heike hasn’t a job at the moment. My father, who is 43 years old, is interested in jogging , cycling , doing something with our dog and music. Till his sport- accident in the last year he played basketball. My mother , who is 41 years old, is interested in photographie, jogging and doing something with our dog, too. My brother Miles Luca,9 years, still goes to school (in the 3rd grade) and likes to play soccer. He is interested in meeting friends and going in the swimming pool. I like my family, because we make travels together, play games and so on. At Christmas the family is at my grandma. It means at our house. We eat together the meal and then we look together at the presents. After this my cousins and I play together games or watching films.
We have a dog, which name is Boomer, and a hamster, which name is Snoopy. I like to do something with my dog and I would have nothing against any pet you may have, because I like pets.

Now, I want to tell you more about me and my personality.
I am an open-minded, sporty, active, friendly and responsible person. I like to come in new situations and I am really excited to learn something new.
In my freetime I am interested in basketball, athletics, gymnastics, doing something with my friends or my dog, reading books or magazines, going shopping, jumping on my trampoline… I like all kinds of sports and to hear music, too. I hear the charts and Popmusic.
In the past I learned to play flute, too. But there’s nearly nothing left. I was in a Chinese course and now I can speak a little bit Chinese. In school, I was in the basketball-AG and in the athletics-groups. In the athletics-group we were at many competitions and we were good. Earlier I was in a dance-club.

I am in grade 9 and next year I am in the advanced level. My school is called Städtisches Gymnasium Bad Laasphe, which has an own website (www.gymbala.de). My school is big and it’s a gymnasium. At our school are 1000 people and our director is Mister Damm. The school has three floors. My classroom is in the 3rd floor. In my class are 29 students and I like them all.
I am in the school from 7 am till 2 pm. Most I have six hours and between the lessons are breaks. In the morning I take the bus and after school I take the train. There are circa 6 miles to my school. It isn’t much. My favorite subjects are sports, English and french, because I like to do this. I have made an exchange for one week in France and it was great.

I have made the decision that I’ll go in the USA. Why?
It’s easy. I would know more about the culture and the people there. I would get to know the arts of living in USA and more about the real "American Way of Live”. I want to be a real part of the family and culture. The school system is different like in Germany, too. I’m interested in this and I’m open for everything. I hope that I learn there much and that I can collect a lot of good impressions.
I can learn the language, too. This is good, because I would later maybe work in America. I would be a newsreader. After school I would go again in another country as an au-pair, because I like to visit other countries and I like kids.
I hope I’ll see you soon.
Yours, Milena

Fertig :slight_smile: Könnt ihr was verbessern? Danke schonmal:wink:

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@katharina:du hast recht!
ich bin mir nicht sicher ob „kurs“ in englisch „course“ heißt… aber sonst glaub ich keine schwerwiegenden fehler=) hab zumindest keine gesehen!

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Dear Host family,
First of all I want thank you for reading my letter and giving me the possibility to live a half year in the USA.
How are you?(würd ich beim ersten brief weglassen) I am very glad to write this letter.
My name is Kea Milena **** and I am 14 years old.
I live in *, which is a little village with 3000 inhabitants. Our house is next to a big forest. I have an own room, where I sleep and do my homework. ´ is in Nord-Rhein–Westfalen, in the west of Germany and circa 75 miles from Cologne.
Here I live together with my parents, my younger brother and my grandma. My father Ralf works as a security engeneer and my mother Heike hasn’t a job at the moment. My father, who is 43 years old, is interested in jogging , cycling , doing something with our dog and music. Till his sport- accident in the last year he played basketball. My mother , who is 41 years old, is interested in photographie, jogging and doing something with our dog, too. My brother Miles Luca,9 years, still goes to school (in the 3rd grade) and likes to play soccer. He is interested in meeting friends and going in the swimming pool(wenn du meinst in den pool zu gehn, also drinne sein dann going into the swimming pool,aber ich würd vllt eher sagen being in the swimming pool sagen). I like my family, because we make travels together(ich würde da nicht make travels sagen, sag einfach because we travel together), play games and so on(würde da etc. schreiben). At Christmas the family is at my grandma. It means at our house. We eat together the meal and then we look together at the presents(würde da eher gifts anstatt presents sagen). After this my cousins and I play together games or watching films(play games together und dann watch films , wieso denn auf einmal die -ing form ?:P).
We have a dog, which name is Boomer, and a hamster, which name is Snoopy(relativsätze sind eig gut, würde aber da du zwei tiere hast lieber we have a dog, called boomer sagen). I like to do something with my dog(würde da I like to spend oder I like spending time with my dog schreiben) and I would have nothing against any pet you may have, because I like pets.

Now, I want to tell you more about me and my personality.
I am an open-minded, sporty, active, friendly and responsible person. I like to come in new situations and I am really excited to learn something new.
In my freetime I am interested in basketball, athletics, gymnastics, doing something with my friends or my dog, reading books or magazines, going shopping, jumping on my trampoline… I like all kinds of sports and to hear music(heißt listen to music), too. I hear the charts and Popmusic.(würd ich jetzt noch weglassen mit popmusik und so)
In the past I learned to play flute, too(ist nicht so wichtig, aber würde nicht immer too benutzen, benutze mal as well oder also). But there’s nearly nothing left. I was in a Chinese course and now I can speak a little bit Chinese. In school, I was in the basketball-AG and in the athletics-groups. In the athletics-group we were at many competitions and we were good(and we did well würd ich sagen). Earlier I was in a dance-club.(vllt bisschen mehr beschreiben, hast du aufgehört oder wie siehts jetzt mit dem tanzen aus )

I am in grade 9 and next year I am in the advanced level. My school is called Städtisches Gymnasium Bad Laasphe, which has an own website (www.gymbala.de). My school is big and it’s a gymnasium. At our school are 1000 people and our director(heißt headmaster und nicht director) is Mister Damm. The school has three floors. My classroom is in the 3rd floor(den kleinen teil würd ich weglassen, ist doch eig unwichtig für den ersten brief). In my class are 29 students and I like them all(and I like all of them).
I am in the school(I am AT school) from 7 am till 2 pm. Most I have six hours and between the lessons are breaks. In the morning I take the bus and after school I take the train. There are circa 6 miles to my school. It isn’t much.(It isnt much ist unwichtig ) My favorite subjects are sports, English and french, because I like to do this. I have made an exchange for one week in France and it was great.

I have made the decision that I’ll go in the USA. Why?(ist ne gute idee, schreib aber dann lieber you may ask why)
It’s easy. I would know more about the culture and the people there. I would get to know the arts(ich glaube du meinst da die weisen zu leben , und nicht die künste, deshalb dann the ways of living) of living in USA and more about the real "American Way of Live”. I want to be a real part of the family and culture. The school system is different like in Germany, too.(wieder das too) I’m interested in this and I’m open for everything. I hope that I learn there much and that I can collect a lot of good impressions.(I hope that I learn A LOT and that I can collect a lot of good impressions there, zeitangabe immer ans ende)
I can learn the language, too. This is good, because I would later maybe work in America. I would be a newsreader. After school I would go again in another country as an au-pair, because I like to visit other countries and I like kids.
I hope I’ll see you soon.
(öhm,da würd ich eine kleine einleitung noch reinmachem,wie z.b. another fact is the language, oder so. dann, This is good, becauause, I have in mind to work as a newsreader in america in the future. After finishing school, I would visit another country as an au-pair, to get more experience and 'cause I like children.
Yours, Milena(und da Yours Sincerely)

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Lob schon mal hier, mir gefaellt der Text so weit :+1: Ich versuch jetzt mal das Englisch das ich bis jetzt mitgenommen habe ( n sollte xD) anzuwenden. Alles nur Kleinigkeiten:
Ich schreib einfach mal alle Korrekturen GROß und lass das Alte manchmal zum Vergleich stehen:

Dear Host family,
First of all I want TO (ich schliess mich hier dem 1. Beitrag an) thank you for reading my letter and giving me the possibility to live a half year in the USA.
How are you?(seehr amerikanisch, aber iwie unpassend in deiner Beschreibung) I am very glad to write this letter.
My name is Kea Milena **** and I am 14 years old.
I live in *, which is a little village with 3000 inhabitants. Our house is next to a big forest. I have an own room, where I sleep and do my homework. ´ is in Nord-Rhein–Westfalen, in the west of Germany and circa 75 miles from Cologne.
I live THERE (klingt besser…) together with my parents, my younger brother and my grandma. My father Ralf works as a security ENGINEER and my mother Heike DOESN’T HAVE a job at the moment. My father, who is 43 years old, is interested in jogging , cycling , EXERCISING OR PLAYING (beschreibts einfach genauer) with our dog and music. HE USED TO PLAY BASKETBALL, BUT HAD TO STOP IT BECAUSE OF A SPORT-ACCIDENT LAST YEAR. My mother , who is 41 years old, is interested in PHOTOGRAPHY , jogging and SPENDING TIME WITH our dog, too. My brother Miles Luca,9 years, still goes to school (HE IS in 3rd grade) and likes to play soccer. He is interested in meeting HIS friends and going TO the swimming pool.(oder wenn ihr selbst einen habt swimming in the) I like my family, because we TRAVEL together,(Wie mein Vorredner…) play games and DO OTHER FUNNY ACTVITES (Klingt enthusiastischer). At Christmas the family is at my grandma’s HOUSE, which means at our house. (Euhm, der Satz klingt confusing…)We eat together A CHRISTMAS MEAL and then we look together at the presents (Ich wuerde presents stehen lassen…). After this my cousins and I play GAMES together or WATCH MOVIES/films. (Iwie benutzt hier keiner das Wort films, waere aber richtig)
We have a dog, WHOSE (which ist für Objekte) name is Boomer, and a hamster, whose name is Snoopy (Vorredner = Recht, mach einfach weiter mit : and a hamster, called Snoopy). I like to PLAY with my dog (to do stg ist seehr unbestimmt) and I would have nothing against any pet you may have, because I like pets.

Now, I want to tell you more about me and my personality.
I am an open-minded, sporty, active, friendly and responsible person. I like to come in new situations and I am really excited to learn something new.
In my free time I am interested in basketball, athletics, gymnastics, HANGING OUT/ PLAYING with my friends or my dog, reading books or magazines, shopping, (Ohne going) jumping on my trampoline… I like all kinds of sports and to LISTEN TO music(stimmt genau), too. I LISTEN TO the charts and Pop music.( Warum nicht? Ist doch informativ)
In the past I learned to play flute, too… But I DON’T REMEMBER VERY MUCH OF IT. I TOOK a Chinese course and now I can speak a little bit Chinese.(seehr cool, nur so als Anmerkung von mir :grin: ) In school, I was in the basketball-CLUB (Die haben keine Ahnung was ne AG ist…) and AN athletics-group. In the athletics-group we were at many competitions and we DID WELL (Einstimmen). Earlier I USED TO PARTICIPATE in a dance-club.

I am in 9TH GRADE (Oder schreib Freshmen year =D ) and next year I WILL BE in the advanced level. My school is called Städtisches Gymnasium Bad Laasphe, which has an own website (www.gymbala.de). My school is big and it’s a gymnasium (Gymnasium ist hier die Sporthalle, weiss nicht ob ich das schrieben wuerde…). At our school are 1000 people and our HEADMASTER (right :slight_smile: ) is Mister Damm. The school has three floors. My classroom is in the 3rd floor(schreib so genau wie moeglich :slight_smile: ). In my class are 29 students and I like them all OF THEM (Stimmt auch ).
I am AT SCHOOL ( :+1: ) from 7 am till 2 pm. THE MOST DAYS I have six hours and between the lessons are breaks. In the morning I take the bus and after school I take the train. There are ABOUT 6 miles DISTANCE to my school. My favorite subjects are sports, English and french, because I like to do this. I have made an exchange for one week in France and it was great.

I have made the decision that I’ll go in the USA. Why?
It’s easy. I WANT TO know more about the culture and the people there. I would get to know TO the LIFE in THE USA and LEARN more about the real "American Way of Live”. I want to be a real part of the family and culture. The school system is different like in Germany, too. I’m interested in this and I’m open for everything. I hope that I WILL learn A LOT DURING MY STAY and that I can collect a lot of good impressions.
I can learn the language, too. This is good, because MAYBE I would later work in America. I WANT TO BECOME A NEWSREADER.(euhm, das is mehr nen UK Englishes wort, aber ich weiss grad nich wie das hier heisst, frag morgen mal meine Hostmum :wink:… ) After school I THINK ABOUT goING in another country AGAIN as an au-pair, because I like to visit other countries and I like kids.
I hope I’ll see you soon.
Yours, Milena (Yours ist perfectly fine wuerd ich sagen, du schreibst ja keinen Business brief… )

Das ist alles was ich so sehe, hoffe es hilft dir! :grin:
Aber der Brief beschreibt dich wirklich gut als offene und auf Anhieb symphatische Person :+1:

Viel Erfolg und Spass bei deinem Austausch :wink:

5

Also wenn du mit newsreader die Leute meinst die im TV die Nachrichten vorlesen ?! (War es das?) Das waere hier newscaster meinte meine Hostmom…

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Danke für die vielen Korrekturvorschläge (;