vom 23.1.2014 21:51
L. L.

Letter of Motivation

Hey ihr! wäre sehr dankbar wenn da mal jemand drüber schauen könnte...Anrede und am ende einen Gruß und so mach ich noch es geht mir jetzt erstmal nur um den Inhalt

My name is *****, right now I´m ***years old. I was born on 1st October *****.
First of all I want to describe my family. My father,****, works in the factory Ritter Sport, my mother, ***, works as coach at our gym. I have four siblings. Two brothers one older, one younger and two sisters both are older than me. My older brother, ****, is 24 years old, my younger brother, ****, is 14 years old. My eldest sister, ****, is 30 years and she has a daughter, ****, my niece is 6 years old. My other sister, ****; is 28 years old. There is another member of our family: our cat Mimi. With my parents and my brothers I live in *****;***** is a university town in the south of Germany.
Now I want to introduce myself. I attend the Waldorf School in **** and now I am in class **. My favorite’s subjects in school are biology, art and English. School starts at 7:50 a.m. and end at 13:00 p.m., three times at week I have school till 15:15 p.m. After school I´m doing my homework and learn for school. In my free time I read a lot, like to play guitar or listening to music. One of my favorite bands is the German band with the funny name “Wise Guys”. Apart from that I often meet friends especially at the weekend. We go to the cinema, go shopping or just talk and laugh. On the holidays I love to travel and discover other countries. My biggest Hobby are the Boy Scouts, here I´m a member since 7 years. For quite some time I have my own scout group with 5 girls between 14-16 years. We meet every Friday and spend time together. In the holidays I often went to a scout camp. To earn money I do some cleaning as a part-time-job", now and then I went babysitting.
I would really love to come to America. I think it’s a great opportunity to make new experiences. I want to improve my English to speak more fluently. But not only this. I want to learn more about the American culture and “the American way of life”
Smily

beitragabfolgen.gif Auf diesen Beitrag gibt es 3 direkte Antworten:

Bitte :)

My name is *****, right now I´m ***years old. I was born on 1st October *****.
First of all I want to describe my family. My father,****, works in a Ritter Sport Factory (that's chocolate by the way), my mother, ***, works as coach at our local gym. I have four siblings. Two brothers, one older, one younger and two sisters both are older than me. My older brother, ****, is 24 years old, my younger brother, ****, is 14 years old. My oldest sister, ****, is 30 years and she has a daughter, ****, my niece is 6 years old. My other sister, ****; is 28 years old. There is another member of our family: our cat Mimi. With my parents and my brothers I live in *****;***** is a university town in the south of Germany.
Now I want to introduce myself. I attend the Waldorf School in **** and now I am in class **. My favorite subjects in school are Biology, Art and English. School starts at 7:50 a.m. and end at 13:00 p.m. Three times a week I have school till 15:15 p.m. After school I´m doing my homework and study for school. In my free time I read a lot, I love to play the guitar and listening to music. One of my favorite bands is the German band with the funny name “Wise Guys”. Apart from that I often meet friends especially at the weekend. We go to the cinema, go shopping or just talk and laugh. On the holidays I love to travel and discover other countries. I am a member of the Boy Scouts since I was seven years old and it is my biggest hobby. Since a while I have my own scout group with 5 girls between 14-16 years. We meet every Friday and spend time together. During vacation I often go to scout camps. To make money I do some cleaning as a "part-time-job" and now and then I babysit.
I would really love to go to the US. I think it’s a great opportunity to make many new experiences. I want to improve my English to speak more fluently. But not only this. I want to learn more about the American culture and “the American way of life”

Hi :)

Ich bin jetzt seit fünf Monaten in Kanada und was mir hier gesagt wurde, ist, dass es sehr gut ankommt, wenn man den ganzen Brief sehr persönlich macht, Dein Brief ist super und hatte kaum Fehler doch ich würde noch ein bisschen mehr "Liebe zum Detail" reinstecken. Das ist nur ein Tipp, du könntest den Brief auch so abschicken, wie ich ihn gerade korrigiert habe. Vielleicht hast du dir ja auch noch mehr Arbeit mit einer Bidercollage gemacht. Ich weiß ja nicht alles.

Viel Spaß in dem USA :)

vom 25.1.2014 14:39
C. S.

sice/for

Heißt es nicht for 7 years oder since e.g. 2004..? Aber sonst ist es wirklich gut!!! Viel spaß in amerika!

Brief

Hallo!

Also ich finde, du musst nicht das Alter all deiner Verwandten nennen, sondern den Platz lieber anderweitig nutzen, um z.B. etwas darüber zu schreiben, was ihr in der Familie gerne zusammen tut. Vielleicht kannst du auch noch etwas darüber schreiben, wieso du dich gerade für die USA interessierst.

Du hast beim Schreiben oft "zu deutsch" gedacht! Smily In der korrigierten Version waren noch einige Fehler, ich habe die Version also noch einmal kurz überflogen. Du kannst ja selbst entscheiden, was davon du übernehmen möchtest.


My name is *****, right now I´m ***years old. I was born on 1st of October *****.
First of all I want to describe my family. My father,****, works in a Ritter Sport Factory (that's chocolate by the way), my mother, ***, works as a coach at our local gym. I have four siblings. Two brothers, one older, one younger and two sisters both are older than me. My older brother, ****, is 24 years old, my younger brother, ****, is 14 years old. My oldest sister, ****, is 30 years and has a daughter, ****. My niece is 6 years old. My other sister, ****; is 28 years old. There is another member of our family: our cat Mimi. With my parents and my brothers I live in *****;***** is a town in the south of Germany.
Now I want to introduce myself. I attend Waldorf School in ****, *** class . My favorite subjects at school are biology, arts and English. School starts at 7:50 a.m. and ends at 1 p.m. Three times a week I have school till 15:15 p.m. After school I do my homework and learn for school. In my free time I read a lot, I love playing the guitar and listening to music. One of my favorite bands is a German band with the funny name “Wise Guys”. Apart from that I often meet friends, especially at the weekend. We go to the movies, go shopping or just talk and laugh. During the holidays I love to travel and discover other countries. I has been a member of the Boy Scouts since I was seven years old and it is my biggest hobby. For some time past I have my own scout group with five girls who are 14 to 16 years old. We meet every Friday and spend time together. During vacation I often attend scout camps. To earn some money I do some cleaning as a “part-time-job”, and now and then I do babysitting.
I would really love to go to the USA. I think it’s a great opportunity to gain new experiences. I want to improve my English and speak more fluently. and learn more about the American culture and “the American way of life”.


Viele Grüße,

Marie-Claire

Diskussionsübersicht
23.1.2014
L. L.
Letter of Motivation
24.1.2014
Elna S. Kanada DFSR 2013/14
25.1.2014
C. S.
25.1.2014
X Schließen
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