Kann mal wer Probe- bzw. Korrektur lesen?

Hallo ihr da…

Ich musste einen Brief an meine Gastfamilie schreiben, die die sich schon beworben haben, wissen sicherlich, wovon ich rede. Und die, die schon ihrem Gastland tolle Erfahrungen sammeln sowieso. So und nun habe ich das Ding geschrieben (müssen ganz genau 2 DIN A4 seiten maschinell geschrieben sein) und vielleicht ihr meinen „dear familiy letter“ mal durchlesen und evtl. Fehler verbessern und mir sagen, ob der so gut ankommt?
vielen dank…

LG Brini

5th April, 06

Dear hostfamily,

My name is Sabrina Biedermann and I am 15 years of age. I live in Oberflockenbach. Oberflockenbach is a small village with about 2.000 inhabitants. My school is the Werner Heisenberg Gymnasium and I am in grade nine. The school is in Weinheim and Weinheim is the next bigger town. If I take the bus I need 30 minutes to arrive in Weinheim.

I like my school although it is stricter than other schools I know. School starts at 7.50am and finishes for my class between 1.15pm and 2.05pm. We have two breaks about 15 minutes after the second and after the fifth lesson and between every lesson a short break about five minutes. In the second 15-minutes-break we can eat in our cafeteria. I like eating there with my friends, it is always delicious.
Subjects I do not prefere are maths and physics. My favourite subjects in school are English, German and sometimes sports. If we do athletics, high bar, bar or floor exercises I like sports and first of all high bar.

After school I take the bus and first I always do my homework, but I do not like homework excepting we should write a story in English. After doing homework I go on the internet. I chat with my friends, check up the weather of the following day, check my E-Mails and I sometimes need informations for school, too. But every Thursday I go with my friends in dancing school. I do that since October last year. Every Friday I do acrobatics. I specialise in trapeze acrobatics. We are a group of twelve young students who exercise every Friday. This sport is my ferventness. It is of course not unperilous, but I like it pretty much. Sometimes we exercise on the fixed trapeze and sometimes we exercise on the oscillatory trapeze. We always perform on our open day at school and last year we were on the federal gala of sports. I have never been as excited and nervous as I was on that day. But I also have never had such a great feeling in my belly.

My home is a white house with a red roof and a big garden with a pond on the top of a sheer hill. My parents are divorced and so my mother, her new husband, my sister Vanessa and me live in our house. My room is on the first floor and if I watch out of my window I can see our garden with our pond. Next to my room is my sister’s room. My little sister is twelve years old. Sometimes we argue with each other but most of the time we get along with each other. My mother has a fulltime job and my mother’s new husband look after my sister and me. He smokes but I don’t like the smell of the smoke. We visite my father biweekly at the weekend and he carrys us to school every morning. I have also jobs at home these are laying or clearing the table, ironing and cleaning my room.

In my holidays I like working in my father’s company. I have a lot of fun there and I learn many useful things. I am sure I will employ these things one day. My father’s company organizes sharholders’ meetings. Sometimes I am allowed to go with his team and visite one of these shareholders’ meetings. It is exciting and if I am able to, I always try to help. Shareholders’ meetings are not often in my holidays it is luck if they are and so every shareholders’ meeting is a highlight.

If I do not work in my holidays, my dad, my sister and me travel a lot. I am very thankful having seen so many different cultures and countries because you can learn a lot and every trip is a new useful eperience.
But you are always just a tourist and you were attend like a tourist. I want to get to know how it is beeing a member of another country. Australia was my dreamland since I was five years old. Just making a journey would let a dream comes true. But most of the people see in Austrlia only kangaroos, koalas, the ayers rock, the big opera in sidney and maybe the great barrier reef. I want to see more than that. Not only the famous things, but everyday life. I want to live my dream. I think staying abroad makes you more tolerant, adult, independent and autonomous, maybe more critical and self-confident. It changes you mind and alter your opinions, new experiences always do that. I think you can learn a lot. Of course it is a big distance from home. Farer and longer I have ever had, but I dare that. Because I want it and my curiosity, my adventuresomenes and my dream is stronger than such a bit fear. And I also guess nobody boards in the plane without a strange feeling in his belly and without a lot of blitheness, too. Learning a different language like the own mother tangue is surely also great.

Hopefully I will make everything- bad and good things. But I am confident because I am basically amenable for everything and I test everything. I like order and organisition. I can also be spontaneous, but if I am very busy I prefer being organised. My room is mostly very tidy, because I like it that way. My desktop is sometimes not as tidy as I like it. But nobody is perfect :wink: I need sometimes a bit time for myself. I like writing poems. When I have a bit time, a silent moment, I do that. But I also like meeting friends, doing sports and of course like every girl shopping. When I have the chance in another country I go diving. I love this different world under water. It is mysterious and time seems to stop running.
A nice employment is also phoning with friends. I like talking about all these unimportant things. But writing E-Mails or letters unlike most of the people I know is also something I like to do.
And another hobby of mine is my fish tank. I have red, red and blue and yellow fishes and a few prawns. I love watching my fishes while they are swimming or eating their food.

But now I am ready for Australia, ready for getting to know new nice, lovable people, ready for getting new hobbies and keeping my old ones, only ready for making new experiences and having the biggest and most fantastic adventure in my life.

Hi
also eigentlich ganz ok aber denk mal du würdest ein Paar Breife und fotos von verscheidenen Austauschschülern vor dir liegen haben worauf würdest du achten ?
Das interessante ist dein letzter Absatz , da steht am meisten von dir. Ich habe meinen Breif ähnlich geschrieben wie du tagesablauf und da drinnen ich. Ich hatte aber auch dieses Problem mit den Hobbies und Eigenschaften ich fahre gerne Einrad und Hocheinrad ich weiß aber, dass ich das da nicht kann auch wenn das mein größtes Hobby ist das kann dir auch passieren. Meinen Brief hat auch jemand gelesen und gesagt schön und wie bist du wirklich ?
Bist du lange in der Schule weil du alle möglichen AGs belegst , dist du faul oder fleißig -so fleißig das du etwas angefangenes weitermachst, magst du Tiere, hast du hobbies wie malen -das geht überall, ist schön und mankann bilder gucken, bist du fotobesessen,…?
Das fehlt auch bei dir ein wenig man kann nicht zu viel über sich selbst da rein schreiben !!!
Ach so ich würde noch was von wegen hoffentlich sehen wir uns … dazu setzen(am besten etwas geistreicher)
Ich hoffe das hilft dir
Franziska