Könnt ihr bitte meinen Dear host family letter kontrolllesen?

Hallo :)
Ich quäle mich grade mit meinem Dear Host Family Letter für ein AuPair Jahr rum. So weit habe ich ihn erstmal fertig, aber ich befürchte, dass noch ziemlich viele Fehler drin sind :D

Es würde mich freuen, wenn ihr mal drüber lest und mir eventuell noch ein paar Hinweise gebt :)

Danke!

Dear future host family,
My name is Elisa Palme and I am a 17-years old young woman from Germany. Soon I’m turning 18. I live in XXXXXXXX. This is a little village in the middle of Germany and circa 250 miles from the German capital, Berlin.
Here I live together with my mother and my father. My elder brother does not live with us anymore, he studies and is only once or twice a month at home. My mother works as a teacher in an integrated school, my father works as a packaging planer at Continental. We live together in an house with two cats and fishes in an aquarium. In our garden we also have a fishpond with some koi. One of the cat is mine and I really like to care for both of them, play with them or cuddle them. I also love dogs and sometimes I take care for the dog of a friend. So you can see it is no problem to me to take care about your animals if you have some.
Beside caring for our cats I do other housework too, for example vacuuming, cooking, baking, cleaning the bathroom, washing and iron my own cloths, feeding the pets or taking the dishes out of the dishwasher.
Now I want to tell you more about me, my personality and my hobbies. I am an open-minded, friendly, dependable and responsible person. I am very punctual, usually I come some minutes earlier, amiable, tolerant and respectful. Furthermore I can deal with new and different situations easily. It’s also no problem to me to extemporize in situations with surprising changes.
In my recreational time I love to go swim, to go for a walk into the forest, to take photographs, to read books or to spend time with my friends. Because I am very creative I often do handicrafts like knitting, tinkering, painting, writing stories and every second week doing pottery. I’m also a member of the theatre club at school since four years. I am passionate about cooking and baking, what I also blog about. If you want you can have a look at https://fiebieskuechenchaos.wordpress.com or at kuechenchaos on Instagram. I also spend a lot of time with my family. We often play board games or talk together.
In the past I learned to play the flute for four years, but there is nearly nothing left, and I did horse-riding for circa 6 years.
I already had two internships in kindergartens. One of them was inclusive with physically and mental handicapped kids or children from another country which didn’t speak German. In this internship I gained a lot experiences with taking care for handicapped children for example with trisomy 21.The other kindergarten has an open kindergarten concept. This means the children can decide for oneself what they want to do and in which room they want to go. I usually passed a lot of time in the handicraft room, where we tinkered, drew or I taught the kids in finger knitting. I was often in the role playing room too, where the kids had the possibility to play house, different family games etc. I also helped with face painting for the kids or carved their portfolios together with them. When the weather was nice we also went to the playground. Because of the open system I always had to work with different kids and not only with the same group. Since circa 6 month I also take care for the kids of a family once or twice a week. Their son Mylo is 4 years old, their daughter Mia is 2 years old. We play together, I read books to them, we have a walk, sing together, cuddle, draw pictures, puzzle etc.
Since August this year I´ve got my driver license. I feel very on the road as I regularly drive our car. Current I’m in grade 12 and will pass my final exams this year. My school is called Philipp-Melanchthon-Gymnasium in Gerstungen and has its own website. If you want you can have a look at www.gymnasiumgerstungen.de. I always dreamed of making new experiences after passing my exams. Therefore I want to go to New Zealand to work as an au pair.
Why I want to be an au pair? I love kids. I like to care for them, to educate them, to spend time together with them and to see them happily. This I enjoyed most when I did my internships in the kindergartens and when I take care for Mylo and Mia. It’s important to me to support and foster your kids in every way.
My goals for future are to pass my exams, to find a great year in a lovely host family with nice children and to gain new experiences. After my return back to Germany I want to study psychology, ecotrophology or food technology.
I think working as an au pair is the best way to learn more about the New Zealand culture, the way of living and thinking and see something of the amazing nature, maybe also some of the location of The Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit. Because as au pair I am a part of your family I think this is the best way to make this experience and I will be integrated in your daily life. I want to work with children, take care for them, see something of the New Zealand and deepen my English. It is not necessary to my where you live. I hope the year abroad will help me to find my own way in life, to strengthen my character and especially get more experience with children.
Finally I would like to thank you for taking the time to read my letter. I am looking forward to meeting you soon and spending an unforgettable year with you!
Yours sincerely,
Elisa

Auf diesen Beitrag gibt es eine Antwort:
vom 31.12.2015 14:10
J. M.

Guter Brief!

Also ich hab alle Fehler die ich gefunden hab mit * markiert. Insgesamt ein sehr gelungener Brief :)

Dear future host family,
My name is Elisa Palme and I am a *17-year-old* young woman from Germany. Soon I’m turning 18 *(Besser wäre soon I will turn 18.)*. I live in XXXXXXXX. This is a little village in the middle of Germany and circa *(Besser wäre approximately)* 250 miles from the German capital, Berlin.
Here I live together with my mother and my father. My elder brother does not live with us anymore, he studies and is *at home only once or twice a month* (Ort vor Zeit!). My mother works as a teacher in an integrated school, my father works as a packaging planer at Continental. We live together in *a* house with two cats and fishes in an aquarium. In our garden we also have a fishpond with some koi. One of the *cats* is mine and I really like to care for both of them, play with them or cuddle *with* them. I also love dogs and sometimes I take care *of a friend's dog*. So you can see it is no problem *for* me to take care *of* your animals if you have some.
*Besides* caring *of* our cats I do other housework too, for example vacuuming, cooking, baking, cleaning the bathroom, washing and *ironing* my own cloths, feeding the pets or taking the dishes out of the dishwasher.
Now I want to tell you more about me, my personality and my hobbies. I am an open-minded, friendly, dependable and responsible person. I am very punctual, *I usually* come some minutes earlier, amiable, tolerant and respectful. Furthermore I can deal with new and different situations easily. It’s also no problem*for* me to extemporize in situations with surprising changes.
In my recreational time I love to go *swimming* (entweder 'I love to swim' oder 'I love to go swimming'), to go for a walk into the forest, to take photographs, to read books or to spend time with my friends. Because I am very creative I often do handicrafts like knitting, tinkering, painting, writing stories and every second week doing pottery. I’m also a member of the theatre club at school since four years. I am passionate about cooking and baking, what I also blog about. If you want you can have a look at https://fiebieskuechenchaos.wordpress.com or at kuechenchaos on Instagram. I also spend a lot of time with my family. We often play board games or talk together.
In the past I learned to play the flute for four years, but there is nearly nothing left, and I did horse-riding for circa *(s.o.)* 6 years.
I already had two internships in kindergartens. One of them was inclusive with physically and mental handicapped kids or children from another country *who/that* ('which' nur bei Dingen/Sachen) didn’t speak German. In this internship I gained a lot experiences with taking care *of* handicapped children for example with trisomy 21. The other kindergarten has an open kindergarten concept. This means the children can decide for *themselves* what they want to do and in which room they want to go. I usually passed a lot of time in the handicraft room, where we tinkered, drew or I taught the kids in finger knitting. I was often in the role playing room too, where the kids had the possibility to play house, different family games etc. I also helped with face painting for the kids or carved their portfolios together with them. When the weather was nice we also went to the playground. Because of the open system I always had to work with different kids and not only with the same group. Since circa *(s.o.)* 6 *months* I also take care *of* the kids of a family once or twice a week. Their son Mylo is 4 years old, their daughter Mia is 2 years old. We play together, I read books to them, we have a walk, sing together, cuddle, draw pictures, puzzle etc.
Since August this year I´ve got my *driver's license*. I feel very on the road as I regularly drive our car. *I'm currently* in grade 12 and will pass my final exams this year. My school is called Philipp-Melanchthon-Gymnasium in Gerstungen and has its own website. If you want *to* you can have a look at http://www.gymnasiumgerstungen.de. I always dreamed of making new experiences after passing my exams. Therefore I want to go to New Zealand to work as an au pair.
Why I want to be an au pair? I love kids. I like to *take care of* them, to educate them, to spend time together with them and to see them * being happy*. This I enjoyed *mostly* when I did my internships in the kindergartens and when I take care *of* Mylo and Mia. It’s important *for* me to support and foster your kids in every way.
My goals for *the* future are to pass my exams, to find a great year in a lovely host family with nice children and to gain new experiences. After my return back to Germany I want to study psychology, ecotrophology or food technology.
I think working as an au pair is the best way to learn more about the New Zealand culture, the way of living and thinking and see something of the amazing nature, maybe also some of the location of The Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit. Because as *an* au pair I am a part of your family I think this is the best way to make this experience and I will be integrated in your daily life. I want to work with children, take care *of* them, see something of *(ohne 'the', oder 'of the New Zealand country)* New Zealand and deepen my English. It is not necessary to *me* where you live. I hope the year abroad will help me to find my own way *of* life, to strengthen my character and especially get more experience with children.
Finally I would like to thank you for taking the time to read my letter. I am looking forward to *meet (oder 'I am looking forward meeting')* you soon and *spend (s.o.)* an unforgettable year with you!
Yours sincerely,
Elisa

Diskussionsübersicht
27.12.2015
Könnt ihr bitte meinen Dear host family letter kontrolllesen?
31.12.2015
J. M.
X Schließen
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