Ich brauche Hilfe bei meinem Host family letter!

Hi, auch wenns langsam langweilt :D Ich brauche unbedingt jemanden, der da mal einen Bilick drüber wirft und mich verbessert. Vielen, vielen Danke im voraus Zwinker


Dear host family,

First of all I want to thank you for reading my letter and give me the chance to learn about your culture and the real “American way of live”. For giving you a first impression of me I want to start telling you about who I am.

My name is Elisa Wxxx I am 14 years old but on my arrival I will be 15. I live together with my mum, my dad and my two sisters Gxxxx and Lxxxx. Also we have got a dog called Blue and a rabbit. We live in a detached house in a little village called xxxxx that’s near Dortmund.

The wish to go half a year to the USA developed for about 7 month, but it first becomes serious as I told my parents about my plan. At the beginning they weren’t that happy about it, but unexpectedly fast they support me, specially my father.

I’ve never been to the USA but I always wanted to spend some time there. I’m so excited to learn something new about the land!
What interested me the most are the country’s diversity and the language but also the everyday life and the School system that is so different than the German. But especially the people who are said to be so open-hearted, optimistic and hospitable. I would like to see a fair because I heard so much about the American church and the community feeling or I would like to see a football game. Beside I want to get more self-confident and independent.

I’m going to a middle school called "xxx" School starts 7.55 and ends at 1.10 but often I’ve got 9 lessons than I’m at home at about 4.30. My favorite subjects are German, English, PE and arts.

I do not play any musical instrument but I love music. I think I got that from my father.
After school and on weekends I meet friends or read also I like doing photographs and I enjoy cooking and baking! I played soccer for about 6 years but I stopped it now because I want to start something new, perhaps volleyball.
Friends are one reason why I like to go to school and if we meet on weekends we do bike tours, barbeque, play Volleyball or just talk.

I and my family get along very well, I’m very close to my older sister we often go shopping or go for a walk. I would not say that I am shy and if I am, than just in the beginning. But actually I am open minded and outgoing.

Finally, I would say that I really hope to hear from you and to see you soon. Lovely greetings from Germany!

Elisa

beitragabfolgen.gif Auf diesen Beitrag gibt es 3 direkte Antworten:
vom 23.1.2011 17:22
S. K.

host family letterüberarbeitet

also erstmal hast du echt richtig viele Fehler gemacht. Hast du das mit nem Übersetzer geschrieben? aber ich hab mal mein bestes getan und hoffe dass ich dir helfen konnte. sorry wenn ich fehler übersehen hab oder deine noch schlimmer gemacht hab ;D

liebe grüße

Dear host family,

First of all I want to thank you for reading my letter and give me the chance to learn about your culture and the real “American way of live”. For giving you a first impression of me I want to tell you something about my life.

My name is Elisa Wxxx. I am 14 years old but on my arrival I will be 15. I live with my mum, my dad and my two sisters Gxxxx and Lxxxx in a detached house in a little village called xxxxx. That’s near Dortmund. Also we have a dog called Blue and a rabbit (würde ich vielleicht noch den Namen vom Hasen hinschreiben)

I had the wish to go to the USA for half a year already 7 month ago, but it just became serious as I told my parents about my plan. At the beginning they weren’t happy about it, but now they support me, specially my father.

I’ve never been to the USA but I always wanted to spend some time there. I’m so excited to learn something new about the country!
I’m most interested in the country’s diversity and the language. But I’m interested in the everyday life and the school system too. I think that’s very different than in Germany. Especially the people who are said to be so open-hearted, optimistic and hospitable. I would like to see a fair (was meinst du damit? Dass du in die Kirche gehen möchtest? Dann: I would like to go to church with you) because I heard so much about the American church and the community feeling. I would like to see a football game too and want to get more self-confident and independent.

I’m going to a middle school called "xxx". School starts at 7.55 and ends at 1.10 but often I have 9 hours in school, so I’m at home about 4.30. My favorite subjects are German, English, PE and arts.

I don’t play any instrument but I love music. I think I got that from my father.
After school and on weekends I meet friends or read. I like doing photographs and I enjoy cooking and baking. I played soccer for about 6 years but I stopped it now because I want to start something new, perhaps volleyball.
Friends are one reason why I like to go to school. We meet on weekends and do bike tours, barbeque, play Volleyball or just hang around together.

Me and my family get along very well and I’m very close to my older sister. We often go shopping or go for a walk. I wouldn’t say that I’m shy but if yes, than just in the beginning. But actually I am open minded.

Finally, I would say that I really hope to hear from you and to see you soon. Lovely greetings from Germany!

Elisa

korrektur

hi
also am ende würde ich schreiben
"I look forward to hearing from you"
und vor ein "too" gehört ein komma. ich würde noch mehr so auf charaktereigenschaften vor dir eingehen
lg annaZwinker

Korrekturen

Hallo,

du hast echt super viele Fehler gemacht, hab jetzt den bereits korigierten Brief nochmal korrigiert und noch ein paar Sachen gekürzt und kommentiert.


First of all I would like to thank you for reading my letter and giving me the chance to get to know the real “American way of life”.

My name is Elisa Wxxx. I am 14 years old. I live with my mum, my dad and my two sisters Gxxxx and Lxxxx in a village called xxxxx. This is close to Dortmund. We also have a dog called Blue and a rabbit (würde ich vielleicht noch den Namen vom Hasen hinschreiben)

I’ve never been to the USA but I have always wanted to spend some time there. I’m so excited abtut learning about the country!
I’m most interested in the country’s diversity and the English language. But I’m interested in daily life and the school system as well. I think it is very different from tue German system.
I would like to see a fair (was meinst du damit? Dass du in die Kirche gehen möchtest? Dann: I would like to go to church with you) because I heard so much about the American Church (?) and the community feeling. I would like to see a football game, too, and would like get more self-confident and independent. (Komische Reihenfolge)

Currently I attend a middle school called "xxx". School starts at 7.55am and often I I arrive at home at about 4.30pm. My favorite subjects are German, English, PE and Arts.

I don’t play any instrument but I love music though. After school and during the weekends I often meet my friends or real abook. I also like taking photographs and enjoy cooking and baking. I had played soccer for about 6 years but I stopped it recently because I would like to try another sport, perhaps volleyball.
Friends are one reason why I enjoy going to school. We often do cycling tours, barbeques, play volleyball or just hang around together.

I get along very well wich my family. Especially I’m very close to my older sister. We often go shopping or go for a walk. I wouldn’t really describe myself as shy - maybe a bit at tue beginning but most of the time I open up pretty fast. (Wieder komische Reihenfolge - erst deine Familie und dann plötzlich wieder du)

Finally I would like to trank you again for taking tue time to read my letter. I`m looking forward to hearing from you soon !


Hoffe, es hilft dir ein wenig.

Cheers
Marie-Claire

Diskussionsübersicht
23.1.2011
Elisa W. USA into 2011/12
Ich brauche Hilfe bei meinem Host family letter!
23.1.2011
Elisa W. USA into 2011/12
23.1.2011
Anna H. Argentinien AFS-DE 2011/12
23.1.2011
Elisa W. USA into 2011/12
X Schließen
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