"host family letter" so abschicken?

Meint ihr ich kann den so abschicken? Hab auch noch was über meine allgemeine Umgebung geschrieben…

"Dear host family,
First I want to thank you for reading this letter and for spending this time to get to know me better.
My name is Hannes Maximilian but all people call me Hannes!
I was born in Bonn the former capital of Germany, a town with 300.000 habitants, now I live in Schleswig-Holstein, the most northern province in Germany.
Exactly, I am living in Heikendorf, a little village at the Baltic sea. It is just 5 kilometers from Kiel, the capital of Schleswig-Holstein. Kiel has got about 200.000 habitants.

A highlight in Kiel is the Kiel Week. It is held in the last complete week in June and is the largest sailing event in the world. But we teenagers visit the Kiel Week not to watch sailing races but to enjoy the free open air concerts from popular German artists.

I visit the Heinrich-Heine Schule Heikendorf with about 1000 other students. The school starts at 7.50 A.M. and ends at 1.10 P.M or 2.05 P.M… I live just 500 meters away from school so I can get up at 7.00 A.M. and walk to school. It offers not many other activities so you have to join a sport club. In my class are 22 pupils and just 4 boys.

I have got neither a sister nor a brother and live alone with my mother because my parents are divorced. Every second weekend my father is picking me up in Kiel where he works as a police-officer and we are driving to Flensburg where I spend the weekend with him and his wife at their house. My father likes sailing and even has got an own 37-feet sailboat, but sailing is not really my favorite sport. I also travel a lot with my father, for example we were already in Miami, Thailand and Egypt. Every winter me and my dad go to Austria and ski. My favorite activities are tennis, soccer and Longboarding also I am playing the piano. My teacher always wants me to play classic songs but often she allows me to play popular songs.
Until I was seven years old my mother and me had two horses but we had to sell them because my mother is allergic against horses.

I enjoyed the exchange in April 2010 to a little town in France named Angers. I saw my exchange student “Jean-Baptiste” again who was here in Germany in Summer 2009. Me and Jean-Baptiste had a great time and we became real friends.
I have got a Jack-Russel Terrier named Giny. She is already twelve years old but is still very active and likes to play with balls or ropes.

My mother has got a full time job as an official at the social security (pension), thus I have to do some housework, too. Like walking the dog or washing the dishes, that’s why it would be no problem for me to do some housework in my host family.
I have two grandmothers, one lives unfortunately 450 kilometers far away in the Ruhr, a former steel and carbon industrial region. The other one lives just 15 kilometers far away. Every Thursday when my mother has to work until 7 P.M. she is visiting me and is cooking a delicious meal for me.

The weekends I stay at home, I spend a lot of time with my friends. We go Longboarding, sometimes we go to the cinema in Kiel, we listen to music or watch some DVD’s. We watch a lot of American series like „How I met your mother“ or „Two and a half men“.
In the summer which is unfortunately very short (only from June to August) we directly walk from school to the beach and enjoy the sun. We play Volleyball or buy some fries at the beach-kiosk.

I am open-minded, positivly thinking, humorous and it’s easy for me to socialize with someone. I have no problems to get on with particular situations like being in a host family.

I hope you choose me as your exchange student and I am glad that you and other families give me and other students the oppertunity to live in the U.S.A for a whole year. I am looking forward to meet you in person!

Yours, Hannes"

Hallo Hannes,

hab mal korrigiert, was ich dachte, was falsch war, und hab ein paar Sachen gekürzt und umgeschrieben. Ich hatte nicht verstanden, welchen Beruf deine Mutter hat - meinst du statt „pension“ vielleicht „prison“ (Gefängnis) ?

Dear host family,
First I would like to thank you for taking the time to read my letter.

My name is Hannes Maximilian but all people call me Hannes!
I was born in Bonn, a town with 300.000 habitants. Now I live in Heikendorf, a little village at the Baltic sea, in northern Germany - close to Kiel, a large town.
A highlight in Kiel is the “Kiel Week”. It is held in the last complete week in June and is the largest sailing event in the world. I visit the Kiel Week to enjoy the free open air concerts.

Currently I attend a High School with about 1000 other students. The school starts at 7.50am and ends at about 2pm. I live just 500 meters away from school, so I can get up at 7.00am and walk to school. There are not too many activities offered, so you have to join a sport club. In my class are 22 girls and just 4 boys.
I have got neither a sister nor a brother and live alone with my mother because my parents are divorced. Every second weekend my father picks me up in Kiel where he works as a police-officer and we drive to Flensburg where I spend the weekend with him and his wife at their house. My father likes sailing and even has got an own 37-feet sailboat but sailing is not really my favorite sport. I also travel a lot with my father. So far we have been to Miami, Thailand and Egypt, for example. Every winter me and my dad spend some time in Austria to ski. My favorite activities are tennis, soccer and longboarding. Furthermore I play the piano. My teacher always wants me to play classic songs but I prefer playing popular songs.
As a child we had two horses but unfortunetly we had to sell them because my mother had become allergic.

I enjoyed the exchange in April 2010 with a little town in France called Angers. I could meet with my exchange student Jean-Baptiste again in Germany in summer 2009. We had a great time together and became good friends.
I have got a Jack-Russel Terrier called Giny. She is already twelve years old but is still very active and enjoys playing with balls or ropes.
My mother has a full-time-job (…), so I have to care for my dog myself and help out at home often.

At the weekend I spend a lot of time with my friends. We go longboarding or to to the cinema, we listen to music or watch some DVD’s. We watch a lot of American TV- series like „How I met your mother“ or „Two and a half men“.
In summer we spend a lot of time at the beach after school and enjoy the sun. We play volleyball or enjoy some fries.

I am open-minded and humorous and love meeting new people. I have no problems with handling situations like being in a host family.

I would be glad to spend my year abroad with you guys and hope to hear from you soon !

Yours, Hannes"

Vielleicht helfen meine Korrekturen dir etwas.

Cheers,
Marie-Claire

Erstmal vielden Dank für die Korrekturen! Ja mit dem Beruf meiner Mutter hatte ich schon beim Interview Probleme… Sie arbeitet bei der deutschen rentenversicherung. Wie könnte ich das am besten schreiben?

Hallo !

Schön, dass meine Korrekturen dir geholfen haben. Vielleicht hast du den Brief mittlerweile sschon abgeschickt, aber wenn nicht: Also ich würde vielleicht „is a pension insurer“ schreiben ? Oder „works at a pension insurance“ ?

Viele Grüße,

Marie-Claire