HOST FAMILY LETTER ..=)

Hey ihr alle zusammen.
kann mir jemand bei meinen Host family letter helfen??
sich das vielleicht mal durchlesen und ggf. korriegieren?
bzw… seine persönliche Meinung drüber sagen? wegen dem Inhalt, …etc.

Wir sollten den Brief so persönlich wie möglich schreiben.
An unsere jedoch „potenzielle gastfamilie“

Ich wäre euch sehr dankbar =) beste grüße

Dear host family,

First of all I want to thank you for reading my letter in which I want to introduce myself and tell you something about my family, friends, hobbies and everyday life. Also I want to thank you for your hospitality and that you giving me a home in the USA for 10 months. It would be very great to spend one year of my live as a member of your family. I’m so excited to get to know a new culture and new people and I’m truly grateful that I get this chance by you. I hope this letter will help you getting a first impression and get to know the reasons why I want to go to America.

Now I will try to describe myself and my life with my family. My name is xxx and I’m from Germany. I’m a 15-year-old-girl and my birthday is on eight March. Overall, I think I’m a pretty nice person. I love to have fun and be crazy, but also I’m gladly among people and I appreciate each person. I’m open-minded, social, a tolerant person and a big dreamer.
I attend a secondary school at the 10th grade which has 1200 pupils. The school starts at 7.45 am until 13.20 am. Each day I have different subjects; like English, German, Social Studies, Geography, Sciences and my favourite subjects; Math and Art. Presently I make a six months practicum in a 4th grade; it’s once a week and it makes me much fun, because the children are also very nice.

Because my parents are divorced for 7 Years, I live alone with my mother xxx and our two rabbits in a flat in Leipzig. In St. Petersburg, their birthplace in Russia, she has study librarianship. With 20 years she pulled to Germany and there she get to know my father xxx. At the moment she works as a public relations officer in a school. I’ve got a little sister. She is 4 years old and named xxx. She is the daughter of my father and his girl-friend xxx. I visit she nearly weekend and we do a lot of thinks together. Certainly I take also action with my mom, her boy-friend Michael and his two children xxx and xxx.
I’ve got a very good relationship to all members of my family. We go to the zoo or go for a swim on the lake, go for a walk in the park, shopping in the city or we make a Sunday-breakfast outside.
My tasks at home are not so large things; I have to clean up my room, to take out the garbage, to clean the cage of my pets, I have to do my homework and watch out for my siblings.

Now I would like to come to my interests. I like so many things, which are very different. In summer I like wind-surfing on the lake here in Leipzig, to chill out on the beach, to sleep in the open or go for a swim. But in winter I like to spend time with my friends at home by a DVD-evening. Also, in my free-time I like reading, to spend time with my family and friends, to bake, painting and photography; to go outside taking pictures with my camera.
Also I love travelling; it is my all-time favourite activity. When I was still a small child, I traveled with my parents across Europe. We visited so many cities; like Venice in Italy, Lisbon in Portugal, Prague in Czechia and so on. In the last years we were among the pyramids of Giza in Cairo and hike in the canyons of Spain. My favorite place to visit is Vienna. Last holidays I saw the “Vienna Prater”; it is a big theme park. One of my goals in life is to travel all over the world!
Also in my school I have done a lot of things. I was at the school choir and in the “wind-surfing project group”. Once a week after school I’m a mentor and look after kids, play with them and help them by the homework.

It was always my dream to go one year in the USA; because on the one side I would like to make new experiences, get to know new people , get better language skills and also it bring better chances for your professional path. Of the other side I like to will independent and confident, I want to learn more over your life, your country and your culture in America, quasi the “American way of life”. Another reason for my stay abroad is your school-system. It is very different from ours, and I like to choose between many different subjects. Also, I would like to get to know your everyday life and your celebrations, like Thanksgiving, Halloween or the St. Patrick’s Day.
Now I would like to tell you something about my vision of the future. After my year abroad I will finish my school. In other words at first I will make my A-Level and later I would like to study. If I’m older, I will travel around the world and I will visit as many countries as I can not even count. Maybe, I make also a year as au pair girl or so. Well wait and see what happens.

I would be so glad and grateful if you would let me be a part of your family! I’m look forward to meet you and I’m look forward of the common time.

I hope I’ll see you soon .
with kind Regards.

Hallo !

Ich hab mal versucht, sämtliche Fehler zu korrigieren. Außerdem habe ich manchmal anders formuliert oder gekürzt. Vom Inhalt her gefällt der Brief mir gut !

Vielleicht helfen dir meine Korrekturen ja ein wenig. Allerdings garantiere ich für nichts, ich bin ja kein Rechtschreibprogramm :grinning:

Hier der Text:

Dear host family,

First of all I want to thank you for reading my letter.

I’m so excited about getting to know a new culture and new people and I’m truly grateful that I might get this chance by you. I hope this letter will help you to get a first impression of me and my intentions.

My name is xxx and I’m a 15-year-old girl from Germany. I see myself as outgoing, sociable, tolerant, enterprising and a bit crazy !
Presently I attend a secondary school. My favourite subjects are English, German, Social Studies, Geography, Science, Maths and Arts.
Beside school, I currently complete an internship at a primary school which is great fun.

As my parents are divorced, I live with my mother xxx and our pets (two rabbits) in a flat in Leipzig. I spent a lot of time with my mother, her boyfriend and his children. Furthermore I visit my father xxx and his girlfriend as well as my 4-year-old half-sister xxx almost every weekend, and I love being with them.
When I go out with my family we often visit the zoo, go for a swim or a walk or do some shopping.
At home I have to clean up my room, take out the garbage, clean my pets` cage and look after my siblings.
Once a week after school I look after kids, play with them and help them with their homework.

In summer I do windsurfing on a lake in Leipzig and in winter I love watching DVDs with my friends at home. I my spare time I also like baking, reading and painting as well as taking photos.
Furthermore I love travelling Europe with my family, and some years ago we even visited the pyramids of Giza in Cairo.
I`d love to travel lots of other countries in the future !

I dream of spending one year in the USA because I would love to get to know another culture, meet new people, improve my English and become more independent and self-confident. Furthermore I`d like to get to know the American high school system as well as typical celebrations like Thanksgiving and Halloween.

(…)-> Hier würde ich noch einen netten Satz schreiben, so als Abschluss deiner Ausführungen, bevor der Schluss kommt.(…)

Again I`d like to thank you for taking the time to read my letter. I would be glad to become a part of your family !

Hope to meet you soon !

Kind regards,

xxx

Viele Grüße,

Marie-Claire

Hey,

mir sind da inhaltlich gerade noch ein paar Sachen aufgefallen …

Was mich ein bisschen verwirrt hat: Du tust in dem Brief immer so, als sei es schon ganz sicher, dass du zu dieser Familie kommen wirst. Ist es nicht so, dass die Familie den Brief liest, bevor sie sich entscheidet ?

Vielleicht noch kurz einige Hinweise, wieso ich den Brief manchmal kürzen würde:

  1. Es ist ja klar, dass du deine Hausaufgaben machen musst, das würde ich nicht unter „Mitarbeit im Haushalt“ schreiben :wink:

  2. Ich denke, der Satz über den Freizeitpark in Wien ist eigentlich überflüssig bzw. zu detailliert und steht mit nichts im Zusammenhang.

  3. Am Anfang und am Ende schreibst du ja praktisch zweimal fast das Gleiche, deshalb würde ich es oben kürzen.

  4. Der „St. Patricks Day“ wird in den USA zwar gefeiert, aber eigentlich ist es ja kein amerikanisches Fest, so wie Thanksgiving und Halloween, deshalb würde ich es nicht unbedingt reinschreiben, vielleicht lieber noch Independence Day (4th of July).

  5. Deine etwas komplizierte Familiensituation würde ich auch weniger wortreich darstellen, vor allem ohne die ganzen Namen. Die Namen von deiner Mutter und deinem Vater sowie deiner Schwester reichen meiner Meinung nach.

  6. Deine Zukunftsideen würde ich komplett weglassen. Es ist klar, dass du nach dem Austauschjahr die Schule beendest. Du hast davor auch schon mehrfach deine Leidenschaft für das Reisen betont. Das mit dem Aupair würde ich auch weglassen, aber wenn du es schreiben möchtest, schreib besser nicht „… or so“ dahinter, das klingt in einem Brief meiner Meinung nicht gut.

Naja, das waren jetzt so alle meine Tipps !

Viele Grüße,

Marie-Claire