Host-family letter

Hey… Ich hab grad heute meinen brief an die host family fertig geschrieben, und würde mich jetzt seeehr über korrekturvorschläge freuen!! Ich weiß, dass er n bisschen kurz ist, aber bitte konstruktive kritik =)

Dear host family!

I am Sophia ******** from Hamburg, Germany, and I would like to spend half a year in your family. From January to June 2009 I would like to make new experiences, learn better English and get to know the “American way of life”. Another reason for my stay abroad is your school-system. It is very different from ours, and I like to choose between many different subjects.
I am almost 15 years old and visit the “Emilie-Wüstenfeld-Gymnasium”. I live together with my parents and my two guinea pigs. Since I am six years old I ever had guinea pigs, and I love them.
My brother moved two years ago with a friend to his own appartement near the university hospital, where he is studying. But he comes every sunday to us, so that we can eat together. I miss him, but I have got used to it.
Two years ago I began playing the piano because I love the music. When I play piano, I can relax, and that’s why I love it. Also I go horse-riding since I am six years old, play soccer and do gymnastics. Concerning horse-riding, I like the communication between person and horse, and that the horses are so sensitive. I am very happy about having the possibilities to do all this, and it would be wonderful if I could continue some of these activities.
After school or at the weekend I like to meet my friends. Together we always have a lot of fun: We play soccer and basketball, go to the cinema, to a café, or we cook together.

I would be so glad and grateful if you would let me be a part of your family!

Love,

heyyy, du bist doch mit into in den USA oder? bzw du fährst 2008 im sommer? musst du dann deinen application forms nicht schon laaange abgeschickt haben??? bei mir haben die da toootal rumgestresst!
Lg Roxy

heyyy, du bist doch mit into in den USA oder? bzw du fährst 2008 im sommer? musst du dann deinen application forms nicht schon laaange abgeschickt haben??? bei mir haben die da toootal rumgestresst!
Lg Roxy

also da sind noch so einige grammatikalische feheler und syntax fehler drinnen, die irgendwie an „denglisch“ erinnern! solltest n bisschen vilefältiger schrieben und auf jeden fall länger!

erzähl von deinem schulalltag dem verhältnis und ablauf innerhalb der familie, erzähl von deinen geschiwstern, den hobbies deiner eltern, deinene lieblingsfächern usw usw…!

stell dir einfach vor, du wärst ne gastfamilie die fürn jahr nen schüler aus dem Ausland aufnehmen würde…was würdest du gerne über ihn wissen?
was fädnest du interesant?

Lg

Hallo!
Lies dir mal die anderen Beispiele durch, die hier im Forum stehen! Der Dank an die dir unbekannte Familie sollte schon ein wenig Raum einnehmen!
Was bist du für ein Mensch, wie beschreiben dich deine Freunde, warum USA (wirklich nur der American way of life?), was sagt deine Familie zu dem geplanten Austausch…
All dies gehört zwingend hinein, die Menschen in USA wollen nicht nur was über deine Reiterei und deinen Bruder lesen! Und etwas ausführlicher darf es auch werden.

Hey… Ich hab grad heute meinen brief an die host family fertig geschrieben, und würde mich jetzt seeehr über korrekturvorschläge freuen!! Ich weiß, dass er n bisschen kurz ist, aber bitte konstruktive kritik =)

Dear host family!

I am Sophia ******** from Hamburg, Germany, and I would like to spend half a year in your family. From January to June 2009 I would like to make new experiences, learn better English and get to know the “American way of life”. Another reason for my stay abroad is your school-system. It is very different from ours, and I like to choose between many different subjects.
I am almost 15 years old and visit the “Emilie-Wüstenfeld-Gymnasium”. I live together with my parents and my two guinea pigs. Since I am six years old I ever had guinea pigs, and I love them.
My brother moved two years ago with a friend to his own appartement near the university hospital, where he is studying. But he comes every sunday to us, so that we can eat together. I miss him, but I have got used to it.
Two years ago I began playing the piano because I love the music. When I play piano, I can relax, and that’s why I love it. Also I go horse-riding since I am six years old, play soccer and do gymnastics. Concerning horse-riding, I like the communication between person and horse, and that the horses are so sensitive. I am very happy about having the possibilities to do all this, and it would be wonderful if I could continue some of these activities.
After school or at the weekend I like to meet my friends. Together we always have a lot of fun: We play soccer and basketball, go to the cinema, to a café, or we cook together.

I would be so glad and grateful if you would let me be a part of your family!

Love,