host-family letter. bitte um verbesserung etc.

Hey leute, hab endlich meinen hostfamily brief fertig.
bitte um korrektur, kritik und vorschläge.
danke im vorraus :slight_smile:

Dear host family,

First of all I want to thank you for reading my letter and spending time on getting to know me better. We don’t know each other yet, so I’ll try to describe me, my life in Germany and the people around me.
My name is Denis Pota, I’m 16 years old and I will turn 17 on September 12th. I’d describe myself as an open-minded, spontaneous, sportive , funny and helping guy.

Before I moved with my family to STADT, a town with 33,000 inhabitants and near STADT and not far from STADT, we had lived in my native town STADT, Germany.
My family consists of my dad NAME (ALTER), my mum NAME (ALTER), my brother NAME (ALTER) and my little dog Pumba (3). My father works as an executive of an international building company, my mum works as a secretary and my brother is attending at the same secondary school as I am. The relationship between my family and me is a very good one. With my father I can go playing squash, football etc., with my mother I can talk about everything and because the not big age difference with my brother we sometimes go out together. Helping in the household is totally normal for me. My brother and I have so set the table, load and unload the dishwasher and keep our room tidy and because my parents are from Hungary and they sometimes have to go to there in the school time, my brother and I have also to cook for ourselves.

Beside my family are my friends the most important persons in my life. I do not have a real best friend, but many really good friends, which I know for very long. I can talk to them, when I have troubles and laugh with them. We play soccer, watch movies or just hang out together. On the weekends we go out in the evening, go to friend’s parties or go to the nearby lake during the summertime.

However, beside my friends I also have some other interests like technique. I design homepages for my friends, edit and create pictures with Photoshop but also sometimes edit videos. Beside computers, I love sport. Earlier I was in a swimming team, where I was the best breaststroke swimmer in my age group. Unfortunately, I had to give up swimming because the swimming trainings got harder and school became more important to me but I still like swimming in summer. Three times a week I go to a Fitness Club where I do weight training with some friends of mine and once a week I have football training. I also love snow skiing, where I go to with my friends every year for already five years now. Beside these things I also go playing Basketball with my friends or playing Volleyball in summer. One of my hobbies is also playing the piano which I’ve been learning for three years now.

I am now attending the 10th grade of a secondary school and I really like going there to school, because I have found many new friends and even the subjects are good. Particularly I like going there, ‘cause we travel a lot such as to Austria, France, Poland etc.

The subjects I like best are English, Chemistry and Sport. Beside English, I learn French and due to my parents background I also speak Hungarian.
At the moment I don’t have any career plans yet, because I think that I will still change myself, particularly while and after my exchange program. I can only tell by now, that I want to take part in Work & Travel to Australia after finishing school. Afterwards I am going to study, but exactly what I don’t know yet.

You surely will ask yourself, why I want to be an exchange student. I thought this is a great opportunity to get to know a new culture, new people, new experiences and a new language. It’s not that I don’t like my home here in Germany, in the opposite, for sure I’ll miss my family, my friends, and also a few things that always seemed to be naturally to me. But I believe the experiences I’ll have in America will be more than worth to leave my usual home for a year.

So I hope to hear from you and even more to be a part of your family for a year.
I’m looking forward to getting to know you.

Yours, Denis

Hi Denis

ich bin gerade in den USA und ich hatte auch anfangs ein paar probleme mit meinem letter, deswegen dachte ich mir ich nehme mir mal die zeit…

also insgesamt finde ich deinen brief sehr gut :+1:
mir sind nur ein paar sachen aufgefallen, die ich vllt anders schreiben würde oder so:
(das sind aber nur vorchläge von mir,d.h. nicht dass es immer irekt falsch ist und es sieht auch viel mehr aus als es ist, ich habe deinen teil einfach immer noch mit reinkopiert)

"my brother is attending at the same secondary school " - daran ist jetzt nichts falsch aber hier würde man einfach high school sagen oder equivalent to a high school in the US oder sowas ähnliches

"because the not big age difference with my brother " - because there is no big age difference oder becase of the small age difference

Was mir auch aufgefallen ist: deine sätze sind im zweiten abschnitt relativ lang und du benutzt oft „and“, du solltest deine sätze vllt einfach etwas kürzer gestalten dann ist es einfacher zu lesen und e hort sich nicht an als ob du eintöing schreibst (wegen dem und…, und…, und…)

„Beside my family are my friends the most important persons in my life“ - Besides family my friends are the most important people/part of my life.

„many really good friends, which I know for very long“ - many really good friends that I know

„I can talk to them, when I have troubles and laugh with them“ - I can talk to them when I have trouble and laugh with them (when I’m happy; wenn du willst kanst du hie noch etwas in der art hinzufügen)

„On the weekends we go out in the evening, go to friend’s parties or go to the nearby lake during the summertime“ - On weekends, we (oder I?) go out at night, go to friend’s parties or in summertime to the lake nearby. Ich würde aufpassen mit den Parties, die sind etwas strenger und könnten dass falsch verstehen (oder auch nicht), aber es ist halt etwas anderes mit z.B. dem alkohol hier als in enigen anderen Ländern, Leute könnten dass also falsch auffassen…

„other interests like technique“ - besser ist einfach working with computers (ich glaube du meinst das damit)

„playing the piano which“ - playing the piano what…

„am now attending the 10th grade of a secondary school and I really like going there to school, because I have found many new friends and even the subjects are good. Particularly I like going there, ‘cause we travel a lot such as to Austria, France, Poland etc“ - I am now in 10th grade…i really like going to school there because…and even the classes…because

„At the moment I don’t have any career plans yet, because I think that I will still change myself, particularly while and after my exchange program. I can only tell by now, that I want to take part in Work & Travel to Australia after finishing school. Afterwards I am going to study, but exactly what I don’t know yet.“ - (im englischen werden fast nie kommata gesetzt also kannst du die infach weglassen, besonders bevor because); that I will change…, I want to take part in an W&T programm/ do W&T, …I will go to college

„You surely will ask yourself“ - You probably wonder …

„in the opposite, for sure I’ll miss my family, my friends, and also a few things that always seemed to be naturally to me“ - On the contrary…to be normal to me

zum ende hat mir dein brief immer besser gefallen!
Ich hoffe ich konnte dir ein bisschen helfen! Wenn du irgendelche fragen hast schreib mir einfach!

Viele Grüße aus America
Vicky:wink: