host family letter- bitte angucken und verbesserungstipps geben

[lisieg]

hey leute!
ich will auch ein atj machen, deswegen muss ich in meiner bewerbung auch ein brief an meine potienzelle gastfamilie schreiben…

würde mich über verbesserungsvorschlage freuen, wäre seehr dringend!!

Dear host family,

First of all I want to thank you that you want to take up me in your family. It’s my greatest wish to spend a year abroad in your country!
I want to tell you something of me, my daily life, my future goals and my hopes and spectations in the following lines.

My name is Lisa, I am 14 years old and I live in a 76 000-inhabitans-town. My family, my father xy, my mother xx, my 2-years-older-brother xy and my 2-years-younger-sister xx, is the most important part of(in?) my life. I love my family and I think the relationship between my family and me is usally good. That we argue sometimes, is, I thing, normal, and it depends usally on nothing.
My friends are also very important for me. I have a little circle of best friends (to be exact: 3 friends). After school or at the weekend I’d like to meet them. We have always a lot of fun togehter: We go swimming, in a café or to the cinema, cook togheter, watching DVD’s or playind karaoke.
They would describe me as friendly, honestly and wittily.
But I also like to do sports in my free time, I have joined in a field hockey- and in a soccer-club. I can play keyboard and I am a member of an orchestra, where I play clarinet. I go once per week to a youth club and do a paper route.

I am a student in my 9th grade on a Grammar School and I have been learning Englisch for 5 years, but I also learn Frensch and Latin at my school. My mother language is German.
When I have finish my school, I want to study, but I do not know what up to now. And then I would like to start a family…
I have heard and seen a lot of the American High School. Since I am a kid, I want to sit once a life in a typical cheese wagon! And I really welcome, that you can choose the subjects you want [riesiges ??? ]

I want to make an exchange year, because I am interested in America’s culture and typical way of life. I believe that I make the experience of my life, get more self-confidence and I learn to speak English more fluently [ maybe I want to be an interpreter ]. I also hope, that I can find new friends!

I would rate it so much, when I could be a part of your family.I know it is not an easy thing; it is a big challenge, but I think for all.

I hope I did not bore you with all the information. Thanking you in anticipation.

Yours sincerely, Lisa

[lisah5]

Eins is mir sofort aufgefallen… am anfang als du über deine family redest… ich denke du meinst I think und nich I thing oda??^^

[lisah5]

Sorry für meine Antwort gerade hier hast dus noch ma komplett In Klammern und unten drunter habe ich ab un zu anmerkungen geschrieben… das GROß geschriebene sind deine fehler!

Dear host family,

First of all I want to thank you that you want to take up me in your family. It’s my greatest wish to spend a year abroad in your country!
I want to tell you something of me, my daily life, my future goals and my hopes and spectations in the following lines.

My name is Lisa, I am 14 years old and I live in a 76 000-inhabitans-town. My family, my father xy, my mother xx, my 2-years-older-brother xy and my 2-years-younger-sister xx, is the most important part IN (glaub ich!) my life. I love my family and I think the relationship between my family and me is USUALLY good. That we argue sometimes is, I THINK, normal, and it depends USUALLY on nothing.
My friends are also very important for me. I have a little circle of best friends (to be exact: 3 friends). After school or at the weekend I’d like to meet them. We have always a lot of fun TOGETHER: We go swimming, in a café or to the cinema, cook TOGETHER, watching DVD’s or PLAYING karaoke.
They would describe me as friendly, honestly and wittily.
But I also like to do sports in my free time; I have joined in a field hockey- and in a soccer-club. I can play keyboard and I am a member of an orchestra, where I play clarinet. I go once per week to a youth club and do a paper route.

I am a student in my 9th grade on a Grammar School and I have been learning ENGLISH for 5 years, but I also learn FRENCH and Latin at my school. My mother language is German.
When I have finish my school, I want to study, but I do not know what up to now. And then I would like to start a family… (Willst du 3 Punkte oder nur 1??)
I have heard and seen a lot of the American High School. Since I am a kid, I want to sit once a life in a typical cheese wagon! And I really welcome, that you can choose the subjects you want [riesiges??? ] (Was meinst du??riesig = great glaub ich)

I want to make an exchange year, because I am interested in America’s culture and typical way of life. I believe that I make the experience of my life, get more self-confidence and I learn to speak English more fluently [maybe I want to be an interpreter]. I also hope that I can find new friends!

I would rate it so much, when I could be a part of your family. I know it is not an easy thing; it is a big challenge, but I think for all.

I hope I did not bore you with all the information. Thanking you in anticipation.

Yours sincerely, Lisa

So ich glaub das warn die gröbsten Fehler glaub ich!! Ich würd auf jeden fall noch mal jemanden drüber schaun lassen !! (Vielleicht kennst du ja nen Englischlehrer in deiner Verwandschaft oder so ;))

[lisieg]

whoa, danke ich hab´s grad erst gesehen! oh, ja doofer fehler, war aber schon ein bisschen später wo ich´s reingeschrieben habe…

[michaels]

Hab dir mal meine verbessurngsvorschläge zwischen die gesetzt und das was ich rausgenommen habe mit (not: irgendwas) gekennzeichnet. ich hoffe, dass ich dir ein wenig helfen konnte!

lg michi

Dear host family,

First of all I want to thank you that you want to take up me in your family. It’s my biggest (not: greatest) wish to spend a year abroad in your country!
I want to tell you something about (not: of) me, my daily life, my future goals and my hopes and expectations (not: spectations) in the following lines.

My name is Lisa, I am 14 years old and I live in a 76 000-inhabitans-town. My family, my father xy, my mother xx, my 2-years-older-brother xy and my 2-years-younger-sister xx, is the most important part of(in?) my life. I love my family and I think our relationship (not: the … between my family and me) is usally good. (Not: That we argue) Arguing sometimes, is, I think (not: thing), normal, and the reason is usually (not: it depends usally on) nothing.
My friends are also very important for me. I have a small (not: little) circle of best friends (to be exact: 3 friends). After school or at (not the weekend) weekends I (not: I’d) like to meet them. We (not: have) always have a lot of fun togehter: We go swimming, (not: in) to a café or to the cinema (Amerika: movie theater) , cook together (not: togheter), watching DVD’s or (not: playind) doing karaoke.
They would describe me as friendly, honestly and wittily.
But I also like to do sports in my free time, I have joined (not: in) a field hockey- and (not: in) a soccer-club. I (not: can) play keyboard and I am a member of an orchestra, where I play clarinet. I go once per week to a youth club and do a paper route.

I am a student in my 9th grade on a Grammar School and I have been learning Englisch for 5 years, but I also learn Frensch and Latin at my school. My first language (not: mother language) is German.
When I have (not: finish) finished my school, I want to study, but I do not know what up to now. And then I would like to start a family…
I have heard and seen a lot about (not: of) the American High School. Since I am a kid, I want to sit once a life in a typical cheese wagon! And I really appreciate it (not: welcome), that you can choose the subjects you want [riesiges ??? ]

I want to make an exchange year, because I am interested in America’s culture and typical way of life. I believe that I make the experience of my life, get more self-confidence and I learn to speak English more fluently [ maybe I want to be an interpreter ]. I also hope, that I can make a lot of (not: find) new friends!

I would appreciate (not: rate) it so much, when I could be a part of your family.I know it is not an easy thing; it is a big challenge for everybody. (not: , but I think for all.)

I hope I did not bore you with all the information. Thanking you in anticipation.

Yours sincerely, Lisa

[lisieg]

ui ich hätt nicht gedacht das so viele Fehler drin sind…

[michaels]

gerne geschehen ^^ weiss zwar auch nicht, ob ich alles gefunden hab…

naja, das meiste sind zwar keine wirklichen fehler, eifach nicht ganz so „schönes“ englisch.

[lisah5]

hab meinen entwicklungs bericht für YFU auch um 1 uhr nachts geschrieben am nächsten morgen noch ma durch gelesen… mensch da warn scheiß fehler drinnen :D:D:D

[anonym1646]

also ich fands ganz gut nur 2 sachen:

that you want >TO TAKE UP ME< in your family - TO TAKE ME UP (?bin mir nicht sicher)
My MOTHER LANGUAGE is German - ich denke NATIVE LANGUAGE is besser

viel erfolg bei der bewerbung und natürlich dann auch im ausland

[moritzh]

Also ich würde statt mother/native language „mother tongue“ schreiben. Übersetzt hörts sich zwar komisch an, heißt aber so.
Ich glaube, native language geht aber auch.

[claudiah1]

ich würd auch mother tongue nehmen, aber native language oder first language geht auch…

[markm]

du hast vieeel zu oft mit „I“ angefangen!!

[lisieg]

die bewerbung ist schon längst weg!