Gastfamilienbrief - Kritik, Verbesserungsvorschläge usw :)

Hallo zusammen!

Nach zahlreichen Änderungen (hinzufügen und wegstreichen) hab ich endlich einen Host Family Brief mit dem ich halbwegs zufrieden bin, aber eben noch nicht ganz...
Ich möchte für ein Jahr in die USA und brauche den Brief für verschiedene Organisationen (die allerdings immer das gleiche im Brief verlangen)...

Ich fänds super wenn ihr ihn euch durchlesen würdet und mir Tipps geben könntet oder mich auf große Grammatikfehler aufmerksam machen würdet. :P
Oder ihr sagt mir einfach so eure Meinung, da es mich interessiert was man ein Bild von mir bekommt wenn man mich nicht kennt.

Ich sag schon mal im Voraus ganz oft danke!

Lg Lisa


Dear host family,

First of all I want to thank you for thinking about choosing me as an exchange student and giving me the opportunity to collect some new experiences. In the following I want to introduce myself and give you an impression of my personality, family, hobbies and my expectations for the coming year.

My name is Lisa and I’m a 15-year-old girl living together with my father in a town called NAME in southern Germany. It’s a very unknown city with a population about 18,000 people not far away from NAME. My sister who is three years younger than me is living with my mother in the northern part of the country, near the Baltic sea. I attend the 9th grade of a ‘Gymnasium’ (a kind of grammar school) which has nearly 1000 pupils to get my Abitur exams. My absolutely favorite subjects in school are English, Maths and Latin. A subject I don’t like much is for example Physics although we have a great teacher there. Together with 4 other students I’m a tutor of one 5th class. We have done a lot of things with them during the school year so far for example tinkering santa clauses at christmas or searching easter eggs at eastern. Me and my best friend also give private lessons for one of our vietnamese classmates in German. I really like my school and I identify with it a lot, but I guess this is nothing compared to the “school spirit” in the United States. This is one of the many things I can’t wait to find out what it’s like. After school I probably want to study architecture or psychology and learn as many languages as possible. One of my dreams is to be able to speak English, Spanish, Italian and Swedish beside German fluently one day.

My family consist of my dad NAME (44), my mum NAME (always just called NAME; 43), my sister NAME (13), my mum’s second husband NAME (58), the cat Momo (probably 7 - we took it from a animal shelter so it’s not sure) and the dog Laura (3). My sister is the most important person in the world for me beside my best friend NAME. When she was seven years old the doctor determined that she is ill with epilepsy beyond recovery. At first it was very hard for all of us but after about a year we have learnt to live with it. Because of the epilepsy she is restricted in a lot things and I always admire her that she is able to live her live so happily. She really loves horseback riding - this means everything to her and makes her feel free. My mum and my dad both like to work in their gardens. And if there’s time left we often visit relatives etc. because a good family relationship is very important for them.

My parents had got divorced when I was 4 years old so I lived for seven years only with my mother and my sister in a flat in NAME. When I was eleven years old my Mum and my sister moved to Mecklenburg-Western Pomerania. After a lot of thinking and discussing with my family I decided to stay in NAME so I could still attend the GYMNASIUM NAME. Although I can see my sister and my mother not more than twice a year, I never regreted my desicion. Trough all this I got a lot more independend and confident. And despite everything the relationship between me, my Mum and my sister is very good, because we know we can trust each other and we are always there for another. And since I’m only living with my father I had to take on a big part of the household. We try to make it the best way possible and so we often rotate with cooking or cleaning. Of course I would account it as normal to help you in the household, too.

In my free time I often work together with four other students and two teachers at our own television show called “KidsNews”. I have taken part in the project “NecTv” since seventh grade and since this year we have been allowed to spin our own show, which is shown for example in the regional as well as in the superregional telestation and the web. If I’m not on camera I really enjoy dancing standard dance. I have been doing this for about half a year by now and I like it more and more. My absolutely favourite dances are cha-cha-cha and disco fox. Furthermore I really like reading books. Usually I can’t put a book down until I read it to the end. My favorite book triologys are ‘Mortal Instruments’ by Cassandra Clare and ‘A great and terrible Beauty’ by Libba Bray. I’m often meeting with friends, because they are one of the most important parts of my life. Some of them I have known since kindergarden and I’m very happy I can call them ‘my friends’. When we’re together we like to play volleyball or badminton although we are not that good at it. We do it mainly because it always means a lot of fun. Of course we also do what normal teenagers do. We sometimes go shopping, do sleepovers or just sit around and talk.

I would describe myself as an open-minded and optimistic girl trying to make the best of my life. I absolutely like dogs and cats because I grew up with them. My friends appreciate me because I always lend a sympathetic ear if they have any problems and try to help them to fix them. My family pictures me as very reliable, confident, sensitive and inquisitive. But they also say that I’m sometimes to much of a perfectionist and can’t stop doing a project or painting a picture until it looks the best way possible.

I thought of spending a year in the USA for the first time when I was twelve years old. I had found a blog entery of an exchange student from Germany and was so keen on the articles and the pictures that it prayed on my mind. I knew I was still to young for doing an exchange year and so it got more and more unimportant. Until now. Over night it came to my mind again and I still wanted to do it so badly as three years before. I want to spend a year in the United States because I’m very interested in other cultures and languages. I couldn’t think of a better place in the world to get to know them. I want to spend a year in the United States because I want to get to know about the school spirit and the American way of life. You hear so much about this in Germany, but I can’t imagine what it’s really like. I want to spend a year in the US because I want to make new friends and improve my English - it’s impossible to learn English fluently in Germany. And I want to be able to write about such great experiences in a blog like I have read three years ago. I also hope to get even more confident and independent during a year abroad. And I’m very curious what it’s like to have Photography or Food Study as school subjects...

I’m looking forward to seeing you in America and maybe I’ll have the chance to bring some German traditions and the German food such as (fehlen noch Ideen) a little closer to you...

Yours sincerely,
Lisa

beitragkette.gif Auf diesen Beitrag gibt es eine Abfolge von 2 Antworten, ohne dass sich die Diskussion "verzweigt". Deshalb können gleich alle angezeigt werden:
vom 10.7.2009 19:32

ein paar ideen...

ich find den echt schon ganz gut, hab jetzt noch ein paar kleinigkeiten geändert. klar könnte man ein paar sachen noch anders schreiben, aber er muss ja auch nicht perfekt sein, da du ja dort hin möchtest um englisch zu lernen.
du hast keine ahnung wie neidisch ich bin :D bin grad knapp 4 wochen zurück und es war einfach nur genial!! ich hoffe du wirst eine genauso tolle zeit wie ich haben.
ganz liebe grüße lea



____________________________________________________________________
Dear host family,

First of all I want to thank you for (considering hosting) me as an exchange student and giving me the opportunity to (gain) (many...es klingt besser find ich) new experiences. In the following I want to introduce myself and give you an impression of my personality, family, hobbies and my expectations for the coming year.

My name is Lisa and I’m a 15-year-old girl living ( ) with my father in a town called NAME in southern Germany. It’s a very unknown city with a population (of) about 18,000 people not far away from NAME. My sister who is three years younger than (i am) (lives) with my mother in the northern part of the country, near the Baltic sea. I attend the 9th grade of a ‘Gymnasium’ (a kind of grammar school) which has nearly 1000 (students...ist amerikanischer) (to earn the highest diploma in Germany, the Abitur.). My absolutely favorite subjects in school are English, Maths and Latin. A subject I don’t like much is for example Physics although we have a great teacher (in it). Together with (four) other students I’m a (tutor...das heißt nachhilfelehrer...du musst das deutsche wort "tutor" erklären) of one 5th class. We have done a lot of things with them during the school year so far for example tinkering santa clauses at christmas or searching easter eggs at eastern. Me and my best friend also give private (German) lessons for one of our (V)ietnamese classmates. I really like my school and I identify with it a lot, but I guess this is nothing compared to the “school spirit” in the United States. This is one of the many things I can’t wait to find out what it’s like. After school I probably want to study architecture or psychology and learn as many languages as possible. One of my dreams is to be able to speak English, Spanish, Italian and Swedish beside(s) German fluently one day.

My family consist of my dad NAME (44), my mum NAME (always just called NAME; 43), my sister NAME (13), my mum’s second husband NAME (58), the cat Momo (probably 7 - we took it from a animal shelter so (we don't know for sure) and the dog Laura (3). My sister is the most important person in the world for me beside my best friend NAME. When she was seven years old the doctor determined that she is ill with epilepsy beyond recovery. At first it was very hard for all of us but after about a year we have learnt to live with it. Because of the epilepsy she is restricted in a lot things and I always admire her that she is able to live her (life) so happily. She really loves horseback riding - this means everything to her and makes her feel free. My mum and my dad both like to work in their gardens. And if there’s time left we often visit relatives etc. because a good family relationship is very important for them.

My parents (had got divorced=got a divorce) when I was 4 years old so (for seven years)I lived ( ) only with my mother and my sister in a flat in NAME. When I was eleven years old my Mum and my sister moved to Mecklenburg-Western Pomerania. After a lot of thinking and discussing with my family I decided to stay in NAME so I could still attend the GYMNASIUM NAME. Although I can('t) see my sister and my mother ( ) more than twice a year, I never regreted my desicion. Trough all this I got a lot more independend and confident. And despite everything the relationship between me, my Mum and my sister is very good, because we know we can trust each other and we are always there for another. And since I ( ) only liv(e) with my father I had to take on a big part of the household. We try to make it the best way possible and so we often rotate with cooking or cleaning. Of course I would account it as normal to help you (with) the household, too.

In my free time I often work together with four other students and two teachers at our own television show called “KidsNews”. I have taken part in the project “NecTv” since seventh grade and since this year we have been allowed to spin our own show, which is shown for example in the regional as well as in the superregional telestation and the web. If I’m not on camera I really enjoy dancing (standard dance...ich glaub nicht, dass man das so sagen kann. eher "ballroom dance" ). I have been doing this for about half a year ( ) now and I like it more and more. My absolutely favourite dances are cha-cha-cha and disco fox. Furthermore I really like reading books. Usually I can’t put a book down until I read it to the end. My favorite book triolog(ie)s are ‘Mortal Instruments’ by Cassandra Clare and ‘A great and terrible Beauty’ by Libba Bray. I (often) meet( ) with friends, because they are one of the most important parts of my life. Some of them I have known since kindergar(t)en and I’m very happy I can call them ‘my friends’. When we’re together we like to play volleyball or badminton although we are not that good at it. We (mainly) do it ( ) because it always means a lot of fun. Of course we also do what normal teenagers do. We sometimes go shopping, do sleepovers or just (hang out) and talk.

I would describe myself as an open-minded and optimistic girl trying to make the best (out of) life. I (love) dogs and cats because I grew up with them. My friends appreciate me because I always (have) a sympathetic ear if they have any problems and try to help them to fix them. My family (describe) me as very reliable, confident, sensitive and inquisitive. But they also say that I’m sometimes to(o) much of a perfectionist and can’t stop doing a project or painting a picture until it looks the best way possible.

I thought of spending a year in the USA for the first time when I was twelve years old. I had found a blog entery of an exchange student from Germany and was so keen on the articles and the pictures that it (prayed on my mind...das versteh ich nicht. pray ist beten. was willst du sagen). I knew I was still t(o)o young for doing an exchange year and so it got more and more unimportant. Until now. Over night it came to my mind again and I still wanted to do it (as) badly as three years before. I want to spend a year in the United States because I’m very interested in other cultures and languages. I couldn’t think of a better place in the world to get to know them. (I want to spend a year in the United States...du wiederholst dich hier halt. vllt kannst du da was anderes sagen) because I want to (experience) the school spirit and the American way of life. You hear so much about this in Germany, but I can’t imagine what it’s really like. I want to spend a year in the US because I want to make new friends and improve my English - it’s impossible to learn English fluently in Germany. And I want to be able to write about such great experiences in a blog like I have read three years ago. I also hope to get even more confident and independent during a year abroad. And I’m very curious what it’s like to have Photography or Food Study as school subjects...

I’m looking forward to seeing you in America and maybe I’ll have the chance to bring some German traditions and the German food such as (fehlen noch Ideen) a little closer to you...

Yours sincerely,
Lisa

Danke!

Vielen Dank für die Vorschläge... :)
werd da auf jeden Fall was übernehmen.
Ich hoffe auch, das das eine tolle Zeit wird ... leider dauert das alles noch soo lange.

Diskussionsübersicht
10.7.2009
Lisa U. USA PARTNERSHIP 2010/11
Gastfamilienbrief - Kritik, Verbesserungsvorschläge usw :)
10.7.2009
Lea S. USA Stepin 2008/09
10.7.2009
Lisa U. USA PARTNERSHIP 2010/11
X Schließen
Success
Error
3.13