Könnte mir bitte jemand mein au pair host family letter verbessern?? :)

Dear Host Family,

first, thank you for take the time to read my letter. My name is Sabrina Nitsche and I am since 16th September 18 years old. I live with my mother (42 years) and with a brother (21 years) of my four siblings in a small town called Kirchseeon, near Munich. You will definitely know it about Munich's annual Oktoberfest. My three younger siblings Ella (1 year), Yusuf (11 years) and Amina (14 years) live with my father in northern Germany. I am always happy when I see my younger siblings and then I spend a lot of time with them. Also, it makes me happy that my whole family is behind my decision that I would go in the United States for a year.
Currently I am attending the vocational high school in Munich, which I will conclude with my diploma in June. I have dreamed for many years, to go as an Au Pair in the USA after school and I am looking forward to a great year full of new impressions. To live in your family, to care for the children to learn something about American culture and to improve my English knowledge is certainly a great experience in my life. It will be a great year that I would like to spend together with your family. Of course I hope I can bring you even closer to German culture, for example, when I cook a German court.
I have also gained some experience with children. Firstly, I get so many impressions in my father’s house. I know how I deal with my little brothers and sisters and how important it is to never let them out of sight, too.
I also have two different families with a baby sitter job. For about four years I regularly take care for a girl named Gina (now 9 years). Once a week I spend time with her at the evening. I cook for her, read a book with her and after I had brought her into bed, I still take care to their mother comes back. In addition, I was a babysitter on the baby Melina (from 4 to 8 months of her age) of a family friend in summer. My duties were to change diapers, play or walk with her and get them into bed.
I would describe myself as a very responsible, flexible and loving person. Your children will surely have fun with me. Sport is a big hobby of mine. I play actively in a girl’s soccer team. I am a very good swimmer because I was 2 years in the swimming club, where I get some swimming badges. In the winter I am very happy with friends in the mountains to go snowboarding there and in my spare time I ride my bike or play volleyball. Moreover I really like listening to music or reading a book.
I successfully passed my driving test in May 2011. I also feel very safe in the road traffic because I regularly drive with our car.
I hope the year abroad will help me to find my own way in life, to strengthen my character and especially I get new experience in dealing with children. This will bring benefits for my own children later. I would like to thank you very much for taking your time to get to know me better. I am looking forward to being an au pair and then a family member in your family and to spend a great and unforgettable year.

Yours Sabrina

beitragabfolgen.gif Auf diesen Beitrag gibt es 2 direkte Antworten:

Brief

Hallo !

Ich hab mal spontan ein bisschen korrigiert und ein kleines bisschen umgeschrieben. Vor allem bei den Zeitformen, also "was" und "has been" und so, bin ich mir aber selbst nicht ganz sicher.
Inhaltlich würde ich dir raten, nicht ständig von "great year" zu sprechen (das machst du ja mehrfach). Ich denke, das könnte vielleicht nicht so gut rüberkommen, weil es so wirkt, als hättest du sehr hohe persönliche Erwartungen an das Jahr.


Dear Host Family,

first of all I would like to thank you for taking the time to read my letter.

My name is Sabrina Nitsche and I`m 18 years old. I live with my mother (42 years) and with (...), one of my four siblings, in a small town called Kirchseeon, near Munich.
My three younger siblings Ella (1 year), Yusuf (11 years) and Amina (14 years) live with my father in northern Germany. I`m always happy to see them and spend time with them !
Currently I attend the vocational high school in Munich. I will finish school in June next year.

I have dreamed of going abraod as an au pair for many years now, and I`m looking forward to having an exciting year full of new impressions, spending time with you guys, caring for your children, learning about the American way of life and improving my English.
Of course, I hope I`ll be able to give you an understanding of German culture, for example by cooking a German meal for you !

Indeed I have gained some experience with children already. First of all I get a lot of impressions at my father’s house. I know how to deal with my little siblings and how important it is to never let them out of sight.
Moreover I do baby-sitting regulary. I`ve taken care for a girl called Gina (now 9 years old) for about four years now. Once a week I spend time with her at the evening. I cook for her, read a book with her and put her to bed. I have also cared for a girl called Melina for four months this summer. My duties were to change diapers, play or walk with her and put her bed.
I would describe myself as a very responsible, flexible and loving person. Your children will surely have fun with me. Sport is a big hobby of mine. I play soccer in a girls` team. Furthermore I`m a very good swimmer as I attented the swimming club for about two years. In winter I often spend time with my friends in the mountains to snowboard and in my spare time I also enjoy riding my bike and playing volleyball. Moreover I love listening to music or reading a book.
Since May this year I´ve got my driver licence. I feel very on the road as I regularly drive our car.
I hope the year abroad will help me to find my own way in life, to strengthen my character and especially get more experience with children.

Again I would like to thank you for taking the time to read my letter. I am looking forward to meeting you soon and spending an unforgettable year with you guys !


Yours

Sabrina



Viele Grüße,

Marie-Claire

:)

Vielen vielen Dank für deine Korrektur, hat mir sehr geholfen :)
Jetzt muss ihn nur noch eine nette familie lesen ;)

liebe grüße sabrina

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2.11.2011
Könnte mir bitte jemand mein au pair host family letter verbessern?? :)
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