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Hi,
Ich muss in zwei Tagen mein "Host Family Letter" fertig gestellt haben. Ich würde mich dennoch freuen, falls sich jemand meinen Text durchließt und mir evt. Verbesserungen in den nächsten zwei Tagen vorschlägt ;)

Dear Host Family,

My name is ----- and when I come to Amerika, I will be 16 years old. First I would like to thank you for reading this letter and to take me as a new family member in my exchange year.
I am from a little village it is located in the east of Germany. It is the second richest village in Sachsen, one of the 16 states of Germany.
I live together with my parents and grandparents on a little farm and we have a lot of fun, therefore is my relationship with my family very good. Even if my brother is not so often at home, because he studies, we still spend a lot of time together.
My mum is working full time as a team leader in an enterprise. My dad works, like my mother, full time as a Production manager in an enterprise in my hometown. That is the reason, why I am sometimes alone after school, because my parents are working till in the evening. However I can cook for myself and I often learn for school, therefore is this not a problem for me. The subject, what I love, is history. So I am glad on the school and the American history.
Also I have also many after school activities.
My major hobby is handball since 8 years . From 2011 on, I was chosen by my team members for the captain title. My other hobbies are for example football, volleyball, basketball and other team plays which I can play with my friends.
Downhill skiing is also something what I like and now I can it very good. Every year drive my parents, my Aunt and Uncle, my brother and I to the mountains in south of Germany.
My taste in music is really diversified, thereforce I like a lot of bands, for example "Kontra K" and "Ed Sheeran" but from some bands, I like only one song and not the others. It is the same with my favorite films, because I like comedies just as good as crime films. Still my absolutely favorite film is "Two Guns", because he has a lot of action.
I would like to spend one exchange year in the USA, because I always have a big interest in this country. Moreover, I have sat down as an aim to improve thereby my English skills and to become even more independent, while I must spend without my friends and parents one year. Also I would like to get to know the foreign culture better, while I fulfil my small dream, to see the "American Way of Life". Besides, I would also like to know how the relationship of the single different people is to each other and how the teachers get on with the students, because these spend the biggest part of the day on the school area. Also I like the big leisure offers and sports offers at most schools very much, because I, as described have big interest in sportive activities. Likewise I want to see everything in the world and so I hope to gain new impressions about the USA. I can also represent my home country Germany, while I, for example, answer any questions.

Best regards,
Jonas Kaden

beitragabfolgen.gif Auf diesen Beitrag gibt es 2 direkte Antworten:

...

Hallo Jonas,

inhaltlich ist der Brief in Ordnung. Allerdings sind da so viele Fehler drin, das würde hier den Rahmen sprengen. Das Beste wäre sicherlich Du nimmst den Brief und läßt Dir von Deinem Englischlehrer helfen. Es ist sicher kein Problem wenn in dem Brief ein paar kleine Fehler drin sind, immerhin bist Du ja noch ein Englisch Lernender. Aber so wie der Brief im Moment geschrieben ist kommt der bestimmt nicht gut an. Lass DIch nicht entmutigen, das wird schon. Thumb up
...und jetzt bin ich am Grübeln welches denn das zweit-reichste Dorf in Sachsen istdenk.

Karsten -Ein Austauschschüler-Vater aus einem anderen Dorf in SachsenGrins-

Brief

Hallo Jonas,

als ich fand deinen Brief zuweilen ein wenig ungeschickt formuliert. Damit meine ich nicht die englische Grammatik, sondern den Textinhalt.
Es sagt nichts über die Berufe deiner Eltern aus, wenn du schreibst, sie sind "team leader" und "production manager" in einem Unternehmen, ohne Angabe der entsprechenden Unternehmensbranche. Darunter kann sich niemand irgendetwas vorstellen. Du solltest eher beschreiben, in welcher Branche und welcher Abteilung sie arbeiten.

Manchmal springst du von einem Punkt zum nächsten und wieder zurück oder schreibst Dinge doppelt, z.B. im letzten Absatz. Erst schreibst du, dass du dich sehr für die USA interessierst. Dann schreibst du was anderes und dann schreibst du zweimal hintereinander im gleichen Satz, du würdest gerne das Leben in den USA kennenlernen. Dann schreibst du wieder was anderes und dann schreibst du nochmal, du möchtest Eindrücke von dem Leben in den USA bekommen.

Anstatt immer wieder ein anderes Anfangswort für genau dasselbe deutsche Wort ("außerdem") zu suchen ("moreover", "likewise", "besides"), würde ich eher Sätze miteinander verbinden. Und du brauchst, wenn du einen dieser Ausdrücke verwendest, nicht nochmal "I would also like to" verwenden. "also" bedeutet genau dasselbe wie die anderen Ausdrücke, es wäre also eine Doppelung.
All diese Ausdrücke verwendet man nur dann, wenn man wirklich einen neuen Aspekt anspricht, nicht automatisch zu Beginn jedes neues Satzes.

Ich habe kurz korrigiert, was mir aufgefallen ist, und einige Dinge anders formuliert oder ganz rausgenommen (wenn ich sie selbst nicht verstanden habe oder sie mir doppelt vorkamen). Schau einfach, ob es dir vielleicht ein wenig hilft. Ansonsten mach dir nicht zu viele Sorgen, die Familie wird den Brief sicher irgendwie verstehen. Vielleicht kannst du auch nochmal mit jemandem aus deiner Familie über deinen ursprünglichen Brief drüberschauen, wenn jemand von ihnen ganz gut Englisch kann.



Dear host family,

my name is ----- and when I arrive in the USA, I will be 16 years old. First of all, I would like to thank you for reading this letter and for choosing me as a new member of your family.
I live at a little farm in a village in Eastern Germany, together with my parents and my grandparents and we have a lot of fun. My relationship to my family is very good. Even if my brother doesn`t spend too much time at home (he studies at university), we still spend a lot of time together.
My mum works as a (...) and my dad works as (...). That`s why I am sometimes alone when I come home from school. However I can cook for myself, so this is no problem for me. The subject I enjoy most is history, furthermore I join in many extracurricular activities.
My favorite hobby has been handball for about eight years now. I also enjoy doing other sports with my friends, for example soccer, volleyball and basketball.
Alpine skiing is also one of my favorite hobbies. Every year I spend some time in the mountains, together with my family.

My taste in music is really diverse. I have a lot of favorite songs and like many musicians, for example Ed Sheeran and Kontra K. My favorite film is the action movie "Two Guns" but I also like many other movies.

I would like to spend one year abroad because I love travelling and I`m very interested in the USA. I would love to experience the "American Way of Life" and especially the school life. Those extracurricular activities that are offered at many schools are very interesting to me and I would like to find out about the relationship between teachers and students in the USA. Moreover I would like to improve my English skills and become more independent.

Best regards,

Jonas Kaden



Grüße und schon mal viel Spaß in den USA,

Marie-Claire

Diskussionsübersicht
25.2.2015
Brauche dringend bitte in den nächsten zwei Tagen ein Feedback :)
26.2.2015
Karsten F. USA YFU-DE 2015/16
26.2.2015
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