"Dear Host Family"-letter... Verbesserungsvorschläge und Fehlerandeutung gewünscht! :D

Ja hallo… ;D Ich hab am Mittwoch ein Bewerbungsgespräch für eine ATJ und da soll ich dann unter anderem einen „Dear Host Family“-letter mitnehmen :+1: Also~

Dear host family,
I would like to firstly thank you for taking time to read my letter. I‘ll now share some information about me.
My name is hust, I am born on the 25th of december 1996 and I am now in the 9th grade. I‘m really interested in American culture and the way americans live. That‘s why I really would like to live in a american family and experience things like american school and generally the american way of life in the form of a exchange year. I hope and believe that we will get along really well, as I am generally a friendly, open-minded and optimistic girl. I would love to become a part of your family, like a guest daughter and sister, aswell as I have you as my 2nd family.
I live in a town called hust in Bavaria. hust has a population of 24.000 people and a total of 8 schools. I live in a 4-room-appartment with my Mom, my Dad, my Grandpa and my dog Chicka. The nearest bigger city is Bad Tölz. There are really nice, german houses built there with paintings on them and what not . The next really big city would be hust with a distance of about 40km from hust. There are many places to go shopping so it‘s a nice place to spend time at, as well as if you are alone, with parents or with friends.
My Dad is a ship engineer, so he‘s not home that often. He‘s usually away for a couple of months (~3-5 months) on the ship and home for ~1-3 months. Mom is currently looking after my grandpa and managing the household. (Of course I help, too.) My brother, hust, has alredy moved out since a long, long while and has a job in a bank, his own family, a huge apartment in Latvia near the capital city Riga etc etc. He has a son, hust, who‘s 8 years old, a daughter, hust, who‘s 2 years old and a wife, *hust, who‘s working as a vergessen, frag ich heute meiner Mom noch ^^".
I like to draw and I realy enjoy to read books, as it‘s quite relaxing. I also like to listen to music (but I guess that‘s quite normal) and hang out with friends, like go to the cinema with them. Of course, I love to spend time with my dog, too. It‘s a female, black, field spaniel with a couple of white spots. As I really like animals I wouldn‘t mind if you‘ve had cats or dogs or hamsters or whatever animal! I actually would be quite glad about it.
I‘m going to a realschule, where you get the 2nd highest education out of 4. My grades are quite average, my favorite subjects are english, history and art (both theory and practical). I think history is a really nice subject, because the people in the past have done so many interesting things and it‘s mostly fun and sometimes entertaining to learn about it. About english- I‘ve always been interested in languages and english is, to me, a interesting and good-sounding language that is fun to speak and to learn. In total I can speak 3,5 languages; latvian, german, english and a bit russian. The reason why I like art is, that I enjoy drawing very much and want to have a creative job in the future, even through I‘m not quite sure yet what I want to be exactly.
We are 29 students in our class and I get along with them really well. Unlike in America, we can‘t really choose our subjects. After the 6th grade you can chose if you want to have classes based on art, economy, french or math. Althought you won‘t get away without having, for example, math in art based classes, but you will have more art-based classes during the week than other classes, for example handicrafts.
A typical school day in my life would be getting up at 6:00am and get ready for school (dressing, showering and so on), at ~7:30am I ride to school with my bicycle, which usually takes about 10-15 minutes. Then I chat with my classmates and wait until classes begin. At 1:05pm school ends and I ride home, eat lunch, do my homework, if necessary- learn and then spend time with my friends or, on for example more lazy or rainy days, read, draw, listen to music or surf trough the internet. I like to walk my dog and, even trough this might sound weird, I like to take my dog for a walk in rain, althought I‘m home again really fast as my dog doesn‘t enjoy rain half as much as I do and will pull me home.
I‘ve been born in Latvia, so most of my relatives live there too, we visit them as often as we can in holidays. My parents own a house in hust, the hustrd biggest city in Latvia and I‘m always glad when we go there, as I meet all my relatives like my brother, his family, my cousins and so on.
I hope this letter gave a good and positive opinion about me, and thanks for reading through it. I look forward to meet and live with you for 10 months!
Greetings from Germany,
hust.

Ach, dieser husten heute! :wink: Wenigstens ist es nützlich um Sachen zu verstecken. Also, her mit den Verbesserungsvorschlägen!:grin:

Hallo !

Ich hab mal nach bestem Wissen und Gewissen korrigiert und ein paar Dinge umgeschrieben. Du wiederholst dich z.T., das würde ich an deiner Stelle etwas kürzen.

Dear host family,
first of all I would like to thank you for taking the time to read my letter.
My name is hust and I was born on the 25th of December 1996. Currently I attend the 9th grade at school.
I‘m fascinated by the American culture and the American way of life. This is why I would love to live with an American family for a while ! Im pretty sure that well get along pretty well as I`m a friendly, open-minded and optimistic girl.
I live in a town called hust in Bavaria, with my mum, my dad, my grandpa and my dog Chicka.
My dad is a ship engineer, so he‘s not at home that often. My mum cares of my grandpa and manages the household (of course, I help her with the household). My brother hust has moved out already and works at a bank. He lives together with his family in an apartment in Latvia, near the capital city Riga. His son (…) is eight years old, his daughter hust is two years old.

I attend a school where I can achieve the 2nd highest grade of education out of four. My grades are pretty average, my favorite subjects are English, history and arts. I think that history is a really nice subject because the people in the past did so many interesting things, and it‘s fun and sometimes entertaining to learn about it.
I‘ve always been interested in languages and to me English is an interesting language that is fun to speak. In total I can speak four languages - Latvian, German, English and a bit Russian. The reason why I like art is that I enjoy drawing a lot and would love to have a creative job in the future, even through I‘m not quite sure yet what I want to do exactly.
We are 29 students in my class and I get along with everyone pretty well. Unlike in America, we cannot really choose our subjects. After the 6th grade you can choose if you want to have classes based on arts, economy, French or maths. Althought you won‘t get away without having, for example, maths in an art based class, but you will have more art-based classes during the week than other classes, for example handcrafts.
A typical day at school I get up at 6:00am and get ready for school. At about 7:30am I ride to school with my bicycle. At about 1:15pm I usually come home, have lunch and do my homework. In my spare time I enjoy drawing, reading book, listening to music, going to the movies and spending time with my friends. I also love walking my dog, especially in the rain … Although I‘m home again really fast as my dog doesn‘t enjoy rain as much as I do …
I was born in Latvia, so most of my relatives live there. We visit them as often as we can during the holidays. My parents own a house in hust, the hustrd biggest city in Latvia, and I‘m always glad when we go there as I can meet all my relatives.

So I hope you enjoyed reading my letter. I`m looking forward to hearing from you soon !

Greetings from Germany,
hust

Cheers
Marie-Claire

Danke für das anschauen, nur ist es so, dass der Brief 1.5-2 Seiten haben sollte und ich hab mit meinem halt 1.5 Seiten vollbekommen… ^^" Kann sein das es sich deshalb manches wiederholt weil mir nichts mehr einfällt, aber leider ist die Korrigierung zu kurz…:worried:

Du könntest dir mal ein paar andere Gastfamilienbriefe anschauen (es gibt hier im Forum ja ganz viele), was die anderen Leute geschrieben habe. Vielleicht bekommst du dann noch Ideen, was du noch schreiben kannst ?

Offenbar gibt es eine Unterscheidung zwischen „Gastfamilienbrief“ und „Entwicklungsbericht“. Bei letzterem schreiben manche Leute bis zu fünf Seiten (!), aber auch bei Gastfamilienbriefen schreiben manche total viel (wobei das auch nicht zwangsläufig positiv sein muss). Aber wenn du unbedingt mindestens anderthalb Seiten schreiben musst, solltest du vielleicht doch noch was dazuschreiben.

Okay, hab deine Vorschläge wahrgenommen und noch so Sachen (zum Teil wieder) hinzugefügt weil in dem Brief wo draufsteht, dass man das z.B. hinschreiben könnte und joa. :wink: Hier das Ergebnis:

Dear host family,
first of all I would like to thank you for taking the time to read my letter. My name is hust and I was born on the 25th of December 1996. Currently I attend the 9th grade at school. I‘m fascinated by the American culture and the American way of life. This is why I would love to live with an American family for a while! I‘m pretty sure that well get along pretty well as Im a friendly, open-minded and optimistic girl.
I wouldn‘t mind doing some chores too, as it is a part of the daily life and the reason why I want to go to the USA is to take part of your daily life. I live in a town called hust in Bavaria. hust has a population of 24.000 people and a total of 8 schools. I live in a 4-room-appartment with my Mom, my Dad, my Grandpa and my dog Chicka. The nearest bigger city is hust. There are really nice, german houses built there with paintings on them and what not. The next really big city would be hust with a distance of about 40km from hust. There are many places to go shopping so it‘s a nice place to spend time at, as well as if you are alone, with parents or with friends.
My dad is a ship engineer, so he‘s not at home that often. My mom cares of my grandpa and manages the household (of course, I help her with the household). My brother Martin has moved out already and works at a bank. He lives together with his family in an apartment in Latvia, near the capital city Riga. His son hust is eight years old, his daughter hust is two years old. He also has a wife, hust, who works as a purchases manager in a grocery store.
Of course I attend at school and my grades are pretty average. My favorite subjects are English, history and arts. I think that history is a really nice subject because the people in the past did so many interesting things, and it‘s fun and sometimes entertaining to learn about it. I‘ve always been interested in languages and to me English is an interesting language that is fun to speak. In total I can speak three languages - Latvian, German and English. The reason why I like art is that I enjoy drawing a lot and would love to have a creative job in the future, even through I‘m not quite sure yet what I want to do exactly.
We are 29 students in my class and I get along with everyone pretty well. Unlike in America, we cannot really choose our subjects. After the 6th grade you can choose if you want to have classes based on arts, economy, French or maths. Althought you won‘t get away without having, for example, maths in an art based class, but you will have more art-based classes during the week than other classes, for example handcrafts.
On a typical day of school I‘d get up at 6:00am and get ready for school. At about 7:30am I ride to school with my bicycle. At about 1:15pm I usually come home, have lunch and do my homework. In my spare time I enjoy drawing, reading books, listening to music, going to the movies and spending time with my friends. I also love walking my dog. Well actually, I like animals in general, so I wouldn‘t mind if you had any pets. I would be rather glad about it!
I was born in Latvia, so most of my relatives live there. We visit them as often as we can during the holidays. My parents own a house in hust, the hustrd biggest city in Latvia, and I‘m always glad when we go there as I can meet all my relatives.
I love to travel, too. When we go to Latvia, we go by car, so I‘m used to long rides, as it takes about 1 and a half days to get there. Besides that, I‘ve been to many countries within Europe, for example France, Italy, Lithuania and so on. I think it‘s nice to see all the big cities, take photos and gather pretty memories of famous places like the Eiffel Tower. I hope to get the opportunity to see the many sides of USA too, so I‘m really excited to go there.
So I hope you enjoyed reading my letter. I`m looking forward to hearing from you soon!
Greetings from Germany,
hust

Hallo !

Mir sind da gerade noch ein paar Dinge aufgefallen, die ich noch korrigiert habe bzw. geringfügig umformuliert habe. Vielleicht hilft es dir ja noch ein bisschen.

Dear host family,
first of all I would like to thank you for taking the time to read my letter. My name is hust and I was born on the 25th of December 1996. Currently I attend the 9th grade at school. I‘m fascinated by the American culture and the American way of life. This is why I would love to live with an American family for a while! I‘m pretty sure that we could get along well as Im a friendly, open-minded and optimistic girl. I wouldn‘t mind doing some chores as it is a part of daily life, and the reason why I want to go to the USA is to take part of your daily life. I live in a town called *hust* in Bavaria. *hust* has a population of 24.000 people and a total of eight schools. I live in a 4-room-appartment with my mom, my dad, my grandpa and my dog Chicka. The nearest bigger city is *hust*. There are really nice german houses built there with paintings on them. The next really big city is *hust* with a distance of about 40km from *hust*. There are lots of great shops, so it‘s a nice place to spend time at, regardless of whether you are on your own, with your parents or with friends. My dad is a ship engineer, so he‘s not at home that often. My mom cares of my grandpa and manages the household (of course, I help her with this). My brother Martin has moved out already and works at a bank. He lives together with his family in an apartment in Latvia, near the capital city Riga. His son *hust* is eight years, his daughter *hust* is two years old. His wife*hust* is a purchases manager in a grocery store. My grades at school are pretty average. My favorite subjects are English, history and arts. I think that history is a really nice subject because the people in the past did so many interesting things. It‘s fun and sometimes entertaining to learn about it. I‘ve always been interested in languages and to me English is an interesting language that is fun to speak. In total I can speak three languages - Latvian, German and English. The reason why I like art is that I enjoy drawing a lot and would love to have a creative job in the future, even through I‘m not quite sure yet what I want to do exactly. We are 29 students in my class and I get along with everyone pretty well. Unlike the students in the USA, we cannot really choose our subjects. After the 6th grade you can choose if you want to have classes based on arts, economy, French or maths. Although you won‘t get away without having, for example maths in an art based class, you will have more art-based classes during the week than other classes, for example handcrafts. On a typical school day I get up at 6:00am and get ready for school. At about 7:30am I go to school on my bicycle. At about 1:15pm I usually come home, have lunch and do my homework. In my spare time I enjoy drawing, reading books, listening to music, going to the movies and spending time with my friends. I also love walking my dog. Well, actually I like animals in general, so I wouldn‘t mind if you had any pets. I would rather be glad about it! I was born in Latvia, so most of my relatives live there. We visit them as often as we can during the holidays. My parents own a house in *hust*, the *hust*rd biggest city in Latvia, and I‘m always glad when we go there as I can meet all my relatives there. I love travelling, too. When we go to Latvia, we go there by car, so I‘m used to long rides as it takes about one and a half day to get there. Moreover I‘ve been to many countries in Europe, like France, Italy and Lithuania. I think it‘s nice to visit all the big cities, take photos and gather pretty memories of famous places like the Eiffel Tower. I hope to get the opportunity to travel the USA, too, so I‘m really excited to go there. So I hope you enjoyed reading my letter. Im looking forward to hearing from you soon!
Greetings from Germany,
hust

Viele Grüße,

Marie-Claire

ich habe mal so durch Deinen Brief gelesen. Ich würde mein Englisch durchaus als sehr gut bezeichnen, da ich in der Schule nur 1en und 2en hatte und nun schon einige Monate in den USA lebe :smiley:
Du solltest ein paar Dinge abändern, da sie grammatikalisch nicht korrekt sind oder im Englischen einfach unverständich.

Mir ist folgendes aufgefallen:

  • du benutzt SEHR oft „as“ und „as well as“, auch an ungeeigneten Stellen
  • du benutzt SEHR oft „quiet“
  • falsche Schreibweise des Datums; verwende keine "Sprechschrift. Korrekt: „I was born on December 25th, 1996.“
  • „American“ wird grundsätzlich groß geschrieben
  • Deine Umgebungsbeschreibung bzgl deiner Stadt ist unverständlich und überflüssig
  • Oftmals verkehrte Kommasetzung (ist ein wenig anders als im Deutschen)
  • Nominalisierte Verben klingen grundsätzlich besser! z.B.: I like to draw. - I like drawing.
  • KM direkt in Meilen konvertieren kommt besser! (z.B. 40km = 25miles)

und einiges mehr.

Wenn Du magst, helfe ich Dir gerne beim Verfassen Deines Briefes.
Hatte erst schon mit einer Überarbeitung angefangen, aber ich dachte: Es ist ja Dein Brief, vielleicht möchtest Du das anders :smiley:

Hallo du,

vielleicht wurden die Fehler dir schon gesagt, mir sind
grad beim durchlesen gleich die Zwei ins Auge gesprungen
und da hab ich gedacht sag ichs sicherheitshalber nochmal. :wink:

Richtig heißt es: „I like to draw and I really enjoy READING books,
because/mainly because…“
Das „as“ solltes du lieber ersetzen, hört sich nicht gut an.

Und es heißt: „I look forward TO MEETING you and LIVING with you“
im Schlusssatz.

Hoffe ich konnte helfen, aber mit einer amerikanischen Mamma muss man
bei sowas einfach seine Vorteile nutzen :grinning:

Viel Glück.

Ups…hab grad bemerkt dass mein Beitrag
VIEEEEL zu spät dran ist… :worried:

Tachuldige,